To Be or Not To Be: That is the Question
Posted on 04. Aug, 2008 by Deb in Just.....Me, Just...Writing
Even though I haven’t written here in ages, in some ways I still see myself as a blogger. A part of me misses the daily chatter I used to do, and not because of people reading what I wrote, but because it helped me keep my head straight as to where I was mentally and kept me on the task of writing to hone my craft. Knowing that friends (and others) were reading just encouraged me to continue to write on a regular basis.
Some folks I met through my blog, by the way, have remained close friends for years – closer in ways than some of the folks I grew up with.
But then, parts of my life began to change, habits change, needs change. I still needed to write, but the information out there needed to balance pieces of my life and the impending divorce, career changes, etc stilted the free flow of information. I became fearful.
Then, I got over it, got back to myself and tried to find my own writing voice again. I was getting there, too, until I had this huge “invasion of privacy” feeling due to the excessive searches on my name. I began to examine each and every word I wrote – and had written. Some of the searches were a competitor (frustrating but understandable) – others were clients (understandable).
But I wrote less. It was back to the fear….Fear is one of the hardest emotions to get around. I missed writing, but other things became priority. I allowed other things to become a priority.
Then, when reviewing my site referrals, I came across this:
Seriously?
It creeped me out.
I am this incredibly open minded and open person. I write snippets about the (very little) dating I do but I don’t talk specifics. Yes, I started a new ezine that is a little more open on the subject. But who is searching to find informaton about me that is that specific? It isn’t from a competitor consultant, those searches were all out of the Virginia area. It’s not a client, because I don’t have any active clients in Texas right now.
If it is something someone is so curious about they need to SEARCH for it….then why don’t you EMAIL me? Leave a comment? Be upfront and honest – I certainly am pretty damned open…
My best writing tends to be open. Nakedly honest. That is my writing voice.
I want to hone my craft, I want to be able to write daily and regularly. I want to be able to say that I love the hotel I stayed at last week, even though I am living out of a suitcase. I want to talk about the incredibly cute little boy on the Metro last week who flirted with half the women there. I want to be able to say that my feelings for someone scare me, but I am staying in the relationship. I want to say I’m excited that the LA Times Book Blog picked up and linked to my interview with George Pelecanos.
Can I be myself, here, though? Can I be open. Can I stand naked here? Can I get over the fear of what people think? Is it pollyannaish of me to want to be liked and appreciated for who I am?
To be (a blogger) or not be (a blogger)?
It’s the question, but the true question is: what is the answer?