As I was catching up on Tonya’s blogs from the past couple of weeks, I looked down at myself and saw part of what was adding to my sluggish day:  white tank top, grey knit shorts, no shoes, hair in a pony tail, no make-up….. Yep.  I was totally slacking in my appearance today.     No wonder I wanted to lay on the bed and nap with the cat this afternoon!  This is my first no-face-to-face client contact day this week, but it isn’t an excuse.

My clue to take the time to look and feel my best regardless of whether I’m sitting at home on the phone coaching or walking the streets of Paris.

That was six months ago.

I’m not surprised that my coaching practice has grown tremendously since I stopped wearing my PJ’s to work.

Everything is energy. Now, when I encourage women to look and feel fabulous, my energy is in alignment. I feel authentic, not like the man behind the curtain with coffee breath and last night’s crust in his eyes.

If you are a work-from-home entrepreneur or stay-at-home mom, and you love hanging out in your pajamas until dinner, and you feel fabulous doing it, I say, “Rock ON!”

However, I discovered that I was using it as an excuse to be lazy, to slack off.

I was hanging my head in shame when the UPS man would bust me at 2 o’clock in the afternoon, still wrapped up in my robe, looking like I had the flu.

Remember, the way you do one thing is the way you do everything.

Treat everything as if it matters, because it does.

via My Chic Awakening (A Must Read for those who Work from Home).

I have friends who are incredibly productive in their jammies.  They are able to get all their client work, a dozen emails, an interview, a podcast recorded and fix three meals while in comfy clothes.  But I know that I’m not like that.  I am most productive on the days that I get dressed in real clothes.  No, I don’t have to put on a suit, but it’s amazing what putting on dressy shorts or a spring dress, putting on some perfume and a pair of earrings, and slipping on a pair of sandals does for my production.  I love to look nice and smell pretty, so why, on a day when I’m feeling blue or sluggish would I forgo that important twenty-minutes it would take to get all the way dressed, slap on some lip-gloss and slip on some shoes?

When I first began officing from home, I scheduled a regular pig-tail day.  It was on Mondays.  I didn’t meet with clients, instead, I stayed home and caught up on email, and did my weekly billings and such.  On those days, I wore comfy clothes, put my hair in pigtails, and caught up on desk work as well as house work.    In recent times, though, with the economy so soft, I work whenever a client needs something done.  Even though it’s usually scheduled a week or so in advance, my work schedule varies from week to week.  I lost my regular pig-tail day and instead of having a productive casual day, I slipped into having a non-productive slob day here and there.

If I’m going to accomplish my goals, I have to pay attention to these things.   I would never go to a meeting like I am dressed right this moment.   I’m worth the short investment of time it takes to put on real clothes.  Just like I am worth cooking for, even if I’m the only one eating that meal.  Because if I don’t nurture myself, who is going to do it?

Treat everything as if it matters, because it does. Amen to that!

Instead, I am up and sipping on my second cup of coffee.

I’ve fed the animals, have spent some time in mediation and have caught up on my email and the overnight Twitter feed.    I am making some mental lists of tasks to accomplish this week.   I am determined that this week will be productive.

I mentioned the WayBack machine recently, and in reviewing some almost decade-old posts, I was amazed at the sheer volume I was writing.  I was traveling this past week and though I didn’t have much time to write, I did have some quiet time to think and in questioning myself as to how I was able to be so prolific, I realized that I was doing the bulk of my writing early in the morning.    It was also a time before Social Media sights, like Twitter and Facebook.    All this thinking led me to a few points to ponder.

• When is my mind the freshest?  Mornings.  In order to accomplish this, I need to get to bed earlier and get up earlier.   My second freshest time is right before I go to bed.
• What is my true goal:  to be a better Social Media person or be a better Writer?  To be a better writer.  To take these ever-flowing, copious thoughts and put them to paper.
• What’s the point of getting up earlier if I’m going to linger?  That’s the point.  I can’t linger and surf and play.  I need to spend a dedicated 15 to 30 minutes writing.
• How can I stay caught up on things?  Discipline.  Focus.  Goal Setting.  List Making.   A trusty egg-timer.

I know I shouldn’t try to add too many habits into my days at one time if I hope for them to stick, but I believe I have a plan.

• I need to return to spending an hour on Sundays to review my schedule, updating my task list, and setting mini-goals for the week.  If you must know, I still believe in many of the habits I began when I was subscribing to the Covey methods for organization.
• I need to spend a small out of time meditating each day.
• I need to utilize my mornings better, and spend 15 to 30 minutes doing personal writing.
• I need to trade Scrubs re-runs at bedtime for another 30-minutes of writing.
• I need to turn distractions off during my writing time, including Tweetdeck and my email window.

The last several months have been more difficult than I could ever express, though I finally wrote a little in my column for All Things Girl.   Besides rebuilding my faith in myself, I also need to embrace some other principals, like courage and passion.  I am a strong woman with some solid goals. Thing is, there is only one person who  can accomplish my goals, and that is me.

I am also a smart woman and know that the best way to help myself is to also allow myself to lean on my friends.   I cannot continue to hide the good, the bad, and the ugly from those people who love me.  If I allow my friends to hold me to my goals, so if you see that I miss more than a day or two here, please feel free to call me on it.  Comment.  Email me.  It’s all part of me trusting that other people honestly care about me as ME instead of pretending to care because they want something from me.

I am a creative being and know that Life is a journey.   I know that my spirit wants to grow and achieve.  I know that with each day, I have a little more faith.  And it feels right.

Much love to you and yours.

Several months ago I had decided that the relationship with The Pilot Guy was not working.  That decision came for me in October.  He did ask me to give him an opportunity again around Christmas, which I gave to him early last month.  All it did was confirm that I made the right decision.  He is my friend, of course, but it didn’t feel right for where I am in what I want in life right now.   I was honest with him about how I felt.  I believe that honesty is important as long as it’s done in a way that isn’t hurtful.  After the plane crash in Buffalo, I knew that I would be hearing from him.  Part of his job is to handle the investigation on some plane crashes.  Sure enough, the day after, I heard from him and told him to be safe and take care of himself.  Plane crash investigations are never easy.   But then he called one morning this week.  I guess he needed a voice of  comfort after dealing with so much death.  I was more than happy to talk with him, despite the early hour.  Yesterday, however, he crossed the boundaries of where things stood, and I had to be a little more brutal with my honesty.  I like straightforwardness but I dislike being brutal.   It doesn’t sit well in my belief of the laws of karma, as I wish to be dealt with honestly but gently.

A year ago, I probably would have caved and told him I’d do what I could.  Now?  I couldn’t in good conscious because I know, through giving it several chances, it isn’t right for me and allowing him to believe that the passage of time is a cure-all isn’t the right thing to do if I follow my heart.  So, instead, I chose to be constructive.    I think this is just one example of where I am seeing my own growth though, which tells me the work I have done to become more disciplined is effective. When I sit down to write my column, it isn’t something that is done by the seat of my pants, but something that I thought hard over – especially my January columns as I put into words that I have decided my focus for the year will be. I think that everyone has within them the ability for growth if they so desire, and I personally learn something new most days.   Just because we can grow, doesn’t mean that it’s easy.    However, I do find that when I am true to myself, the harder lessons are easier.

Hard or easy, lessons are not all painful.   Growth and my ability to be patient are giving me many blessings.   This week has had many blessings.  I’ve had the youngest with me all week, which has been a joy despite her being sick.  I am finding a little more confidence in parts of myself.   I am also finding a hunger to learn more.

I think living constructive was a fabulous choice for 2009.

If you’re worried and you can’t sleep
just count your blessings instead of sheep
and you’ll fall asleep, counting your blessings..

It’s good advice, even if it came from the mind of Irving Berlin and the lips of Bing Crosby.  Over a year ago, I began making a shift to living a little more focused.  I wrote about it at All Things Girl, when I created a vision board and the choosing of three little words to live by for the year.  One of the things I blogged about was the fact that I had begun keeping a “gratitude journal”.   The physical journal has gone by the wayside, but the concept is still one of those full present pieces in my life.   The consciousness of being grateful.

Today, I  played golf.  We were on the 4th hole and I was waiting to take my second shot.  It’s February, yet it was 77 degrees and there was a light wind.  And I was outside enjoying the golf course in the sunshine.  In my silence and waiting, I sent out a silent prayer of thankfulness for the glorious day that I was able to simply be a part of.  And that is when it hit me.  Being thankful for the blessings in my life has become part of my subconscious existence.

Last week, as is evidenced by my lack of writing, was one of those weeks.  But each night, when I put my head on the pillow, I still do nightly prayers.  They are not complex, but simple.  I am simple in many ways and this is one of those ways.  I pray for peace and forgiveness, and I pull out at least two things from my day that I am thankful for.   Some days, finding two things in a particular day to be thankful for is a stretch, but those are the rare days.  Most days, I am able to pull together a longer list to go through my head.  They are fleeting, though, in that by not writing them down on paper, I am not able to look back and remind myself what was especially good about February 18th, for example.

Tonight, when I go to bed, my “sheep” will include:

• The beautiful weather and the ability to be a part of it…
• My improving golf game, including an 8-foot putt and a nice t-shot on the 7th hole…
• The ability to laugh at myself and still enjoy golf on the not so great shots…
• The sense of humor of my children…
• Inspirational and Creative People in my life…
• The lessons of learning patience and trust…
• The fact that my youngest is with me all week…
• That my oldest had a decent day and wasn’t cranky…
• That all my laundry is caught up…
• That I came home to a clean house and there are clean sheets on my bed…

And on that note, I do believe it is time to climb into bed, lay my head on my pillow, and get some sleep.  I hope that in your life, you are able to find things to be grateful for from your day.  Sweet Dreams.

I was also going through photos to pull some things for the 52 Stories project and came across this photo of the Cherry Blossoms in DC from April of last year.

It was so beautiful last year.  It’s a crap shoot, as anything is with Mother Nature, whether the blossoms that represent Spring to DC will have a good season or a short one.  2007 was very short and a heavy rain seemed to wash them all away in an instant.  I missed the short-lived blossoms by about a week, though a few stragglers remained.  2008 was a good year and I was blessed to be there.    I was doubly blessed to have a lovely April day to walk from the Jefferson Memorial, all around the Tidal Basin, past Roosevelt and across to Lincoln.  A couple of my photos are here though if you look through the April part of my blog, you’ll see more).   Hopefully, my blessings will be generous this year and I will be present to witness the 2009 Cherry Blossom Season as well.

It’s funny how one image can set us off into our head and woolgathering.  It got me to thinking about the vagaries of Mother Nature.    And how no matter how hard Winter seems, that Spring will come.  It makes me think about planning, too.  We plan our lives and set our purposes in most cases.  We choose a college and a career path, or a partner to spend out lives with, or carefully plan a party for our parent’s 50th.  Often times, they go off as planned, but sometimes, life throws us a curve.  Mother Nature and the Cherry Trees are just one of those physical examples.  2007 was a curve, 2008 went as planned.  The anticipation for 2009 is beginning.

Curves are usually thought of in the negative connotation, but  I’m a big believer that curves are not always a bad thing.    Sometimes, it’s simply a vehicle for growth or learning….when life is “perfect” and going according to plan, it’s easy to become complacent.  Even when life isn’t going so smooth, we often ignore the signs of change so as to not rock the boat of our neat and tidy little lives.   I know I doubted – and friends wondered – how I would recover the pieces of my life after the divorce, but I found it within myself and just did.  When I probe inward and do a little evaluation, me in 2009 is a much better person than the me in 2004.    Not that I am “done”, though.    I still learn each day.  And like my training in the QA world, there is continual growth in my soul…

Well, I certainly digress in what were my thoughts of Spring, but since this is my space to be who I am for this moment, it’s ok.

Spring is about rebirth and renewal and growth.  Despite the fact that  we know that Spring will eventually follow Winter, there is still the anticipation of  its arrival.   I am simply hopeful that it will be soon as I want warm breezes, shoots of green, and the beauty of  a Red Breasted Robin to go along with the mockingbird family living in my front hedge.  Patience has never been one of my virtues, but I am beginning to find a better understanding of her.   I am beginning to appreciate how unexpected things in my life are helping me to find some growth…some confidence…and some comfort in the results of patience.  How confidence and peace are intertwined and in reach.

And like Spring, it will come.  In it’s own time.  I am the ever optimist.

Right this moment, I am mainly thinking about the whole “getting ready” thing.  From April until December, I was spending 60+ hours a week with my clients, so having a down day to just bum around was rare.  There were many Saturdays and/or Sundays that I still worked.  Since I’ve been working from home so much lately, I have forgone dressing  up in any ways.  It’s not like I hang out in my jammies all the time, but I do tend to dress down, forgo jewelry and skip make-up.  Well, except for Mondays when I go to school.

After spending until almost noon (crazy!) in my jammies today, I thought it would be nice of me to actually put make-up beyond lip gloss on, especially since the youngest is entertaining a friend tonight.  A boy, by the way, who she insists is just a friend, but all the same, it’s a boy.  But I digress.  Anyhoo, since there would be other parents coming by for the drop off / pick up, I actually got fully dressed, as if I were going to dinner with a friend, not just hanging out on a Saturday night supervising the dog and two teenage friends.

And since I have been all the way dressed (ya know,  jeans, shirt, matching shoes, earrings, make-up, etc) I have gotten so much done.  My floundering column solidified for me.  The rest of the pieces that needed editing for All Things Girl got edited.  Updates I needed to make on the administrative side of ATG was done, I settled in on this design here for the blog, and I’m in a better mood than I have been in for DAYS.

I think it’s my sign that even if I’m not working face-to-face with my clients, it’s ok to wear something beyond very casual and putting on my make-up needs to be back into my regular habit (despite the fact my skin has appreciated the break).  I am missing working face to face with my clients, though, if I were to be completely honest.  I think my batteries have finally been recharged and I’m ready for more…

By the way, if you need a favor or want something, today is the day to ask.  Because I will probably say “sure!”.  Actually, I would probably say ’sure’ to you if it was within my abilities.  But today, I would say it with absolute sincerity and not just because I like you.

I also got a really long email from a girlfriend of mine who lives in Santa Fe.   She spent a couple of weeks in Africa for an extended vacation and came back with a new desire to dig into her own creativity.  She  asked me if I could help her, and I am reminded that signs are all around us if we will see them.  I had just finished my column for ATG (live tomorrow) but it’s about what’s in your heart.  And there, right in front of me,  were her words asking me if I could help her figure out what is inside her’s.

For months, I have been toying with the idea of exploring another side of my personality – my desire to help other people and my hopes that people that I care about are living in a way that fulfills them.  Since she asked if I would help, and I want to see if I can take a passion that I have and flip it into a branch of my business, I believe we are going to embark on an adventure of sorts for me to try my hand out at some guiding while she digs in, explores her creativity, and figures out where her passions really lie.  She can be my guinea pig

I find, to be honest, that working with creative people makes me more creative.  I know her and she is inspirational to me anyway simply because she loves life so much.  It will be a joy.  I think we all need to spend time with people who bring us joy.

Have I mentioned how much I like what I do?  It isn’t about one particular contract or overall project, it is, to be honest, the little things.   I like my ability to pull things apart and help someone put them together.  I love getting to know my clients on a personal level so that I know what their work personality is and what I can do to help them.    I like that people bring me in on projects when things have gotten difficult or relationships fractures, because I am damn good at helping repair the fractures.  And I think I am good at it because I do want to dig in, get to know the parties involved, and be honest about the situation.  My job is to make things happen for someone, even if it’s because I need to tell an THE client that something they want isn’t feasible.  I have discovered that honesty is a tremendous asset.

I am often hired as a sub-contractor, so my client actually has a client that I am interacting with.  I consider both my client.  My client and THE client.  I like my relationships with both clients.  I find that, even after a project is complete or in another stage where my services aren’t needed directly, I have become friends with them and miss working with them.

Today was a reminder that all the passion that I put into what I do actually makes a difference.  A former client – THE client – called to catch up.  Say hello, update me on the goings on in her life, and to let me know that they definitely want to work with me again.    No matter what the project ends up being, I am interested.  Why?  Because I love what I do and what I do isn’t about the PROJECT but the people involved in the project.    It’s about how I can help them with whatever pieces they have in their current puzzle.  It’s about how I interact with them, and make what matters to THEM be what matters most to me when I am working with them.  I love knowing that when someone thinks about an upcoming project, they think about me helping them with it because they know that I care.

And that is why I am thankful that my focus of Passion in 2008 showed me that it wasn’t needed as a focus for 2009 because it was there all along.  Heart and soul with everything that I do…..

It came down to this:  would I rather play the “match”  game or would I rather work on my golf game.  No matter how I look at it, golf wins.

When I am playing golf, on the driving range, reading golf books, taking golf lessons, practicing my putting, practicing chipping balls onto a green or buying golf clothes I am focused and happy and content.  What started as a need to get a hobby (and do something besides work) has become something I can be passionate about.  No matter how badly I play, there is always one amazing drive, one laugh at my self moment, one smooth little putt.  I can tune out everything stressful in my life for the 3 minutes I am standing behind a ball with a club in my hand, even if I know things will still be there when I am finished with my time with my clubs.

Today is when I knew that the instinct of golf over trying to meet new men to date was right for me at this particular moment in my life:  It’s in the 30’s outside with a warm-up to the mid-40s today.  I had planned on playing 9-holes today with my regular golfing partner and 18-holes tomorrow with a group of folks we hang out with (we ended up with 6 of us playing Sunday if they don’t chicken out).  And I chose to go buy UnderArmour Cold Weather Gear instead of canceling.  Because I enjoy it that much.  It’s worth spending a little money to be comfortable and to play instead of staying home.

This is the girl who has traveled 800+ miles to have dinner with a man I was seeing even though we only had time in our long-distance-overworked lives to have form 6 PM to 9 AM to be together.  I like dating and the things that come along with it.  I love Golf THAT much.

It isn’t that I’m not willing to meet someone new or have a date with someone that I know already…I am just saying that when it comes to my time, Golf brings me Happiness and dealing with Match.Com was a time-suck.

So, yeah.  Golf.    I have never – in my entire life – been athletic enough to play a sport well til now.  It really does float my boat.

And this is Gillette Castle. Which, in some ways looks like Fred and Wilma should live there

And my favorite of my photos. Mystic Seaport. My photos, by the way, don’t hold a candle to the photos my friend took.

I’m really in the mood to go back. I liked the quiet and the graceful beauty. I also found myself very comfortable…and with a gypsy soul, sometimes, it’s hard to feel comfort when you are still….

I started three different columns, by the way. All of them updates on where I am with my Three Little Words this year. I think I just had so much other stuff filling my head that I didn’t accomplish putting my thoughts on paper as well as I would have liked. Here, I may blabber on a bit about this and that – and not really worry that each sentence is grammatically correct or that my writing stays on topic.

I’m not quite sure what my June column will be, but I am determined to have one.

I did have some things that were quite well written, though, at least in the beginning, so I thought I would at least share them here in this personal space of mine…..

We are almost midway through 2008 and I am happy to say that the three little words that I chose to guide me this year are still a part of my life. Passion is my ever-present companion as I look at pieces of my life. I am constantly finding joy in spending my time doing what I enjoy. Granted, most of us enjoy what we enjoy, however, I have had moments in the past where I would feel downright guilty. This year, though, I am simply enjoying what I love…allowing the passion to lead me where it leads me. I am tiring of making apologies for my unconventional interests (like WWII Aviation) and for indulging in my occasional luxuries (like my hair and my nails).

I will tell you that it is a struggle. A struggle break habits of years of apologizing for being myself.

In 1997, I was “typed” as an ENTJ on the Jung / Meyer-Briggs Type Indicator. Years of personal experience and research has shown me that this typing is accurate, at least in my world. Every once in a while, I will drag out old reference and management books that I have liked enough to keep in my library, recently, it was “Please Understand Me II” by David Keirsey. The first lines of the book rang loud and clear to me:

“If you do not want what I want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong…..Or if my beliefs are different from yours, at least pause before you set out to correct them. Or if my emotion seems less or more intense than yours, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel other than I do…..I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up trying to change me into a copy of you”

How many times in my life have I apologized to someone in my life because I was different? How am I to be true to my passions if I fail to embrace the differences in myself? And stop trying to conform simply for the sake of conforming?

I do not succeed each and every day with remembering all three of my words, but I do see some marked progress. As I wrote about in my March column, I was struggling a bit. When I realized what was happening….and managed to step out of that with courage and allow the changes to take place….I found something else. The more vibrant portions of my personality that I had tucked away into a compartment so that I could satisfy the needs of my biggest client of 2007 is still there, inside of me. That vibrant personality was too much for the enviroment I was working in for the bulk of the time. Being couragous enough to take a harder look at myself, I stepped out…and away….and realized that I had given into that fear and settled in a space where my career was stangant and no matter what zest I found for life, I was doing myself a disservice because my passion was diluted.

Watered down passion is more tragic than it is to live a life without passion in many ways.

I still struggle with forgiving myself as I do others. I know that a base part of my nature is to be self-critical, and re-reading about ENTJ’s reminded me of that. I had delved, though, into something more along the lines of self flagellation. It’s a matter of opening up my heart a bit and finding, once again, the seeds of compassion.

I was reminded when talking to Lee that in many ways, the compassion I do have for others is self-taught, so it’s no wonder that to be more forgiving and passionate to myself, I would need to try a little harder.

2008 is turning out to be a wonderful year. I have a feeling that part 2 will be even more rewarding than part one was.

You know I will let you know…..