Though I have quietly observed the Season of Lent the past two years, today is the first time in several years that I have attended Mass on Ash Wednesday.  When I am at home, I usually attend mass with the Carmelite Nuns.  Today, however, I journeyed a bit north and attended service at St. Maria Goretti Catholic Church in Arlington.

It was at St. Maria Goretti that I attended the RCIA classes and officially converted to Catholicism back in 1990.   I left the Parish in 1997 after a disagreement with the Pastor over what constituted the proper “mold” a child should fit within in order to receive a Catholic Education.  I could not, in good conscious, give my time and money to a church that felt children should fit certain molds, as we are all God’s Children.

When walking into the sanctuary today, I felt a wave of peace come over me.  All the things I love about the Catholic Church – the ritual, the tradition, the comfort found in the Order of the Mass were surrounding me in this beautiful building.  And I could feel it radiating from the people in the church today, most of which was an elderly crowd of cradle Catholics.  I was glad that I had arrived early, so that I could take some time to kneel and say silent prayers. The Homily was short, but sweet and the priest spoke  about how the Lenten Season is not simply about sacrifice, but is actually a joyous season.  And I lingered after the completion of the Liturgy of the Word, the Distribution of Ashes, and Communion.

Afterwards, a stranger asked me at a store if I realized there was something on my forehead.  I explained that today was Ash Wednesday.  Something clicked for her and she asked “So what did you give up for Lent?”

I know that traditionally, a person should give up something they love for Lent.  Many people give up favorite snacks.  The Priest said he told the Junior High kids in the previous Mass that they should give up texting.     I have decided the last couple of years to embrace Lent in a different way and enrich my spiritual life.  Last year, I took up mediation and abstained from eating meat on Fridays from the beginning of Lent until the beginning of Advent.

So, what was my answer to the stranger?

“Finding my Faith again.”

I have to say, she was a bit taken aback.  But the clerk who overheard this conversation quietly told me as I paid for my purchase, “Good luck with your Lent Thing.”

Each year, instead of choosing a New Year’s Resolution, I have chosen words in which to guide me.  I haven’t publicly shared my 2010 words yet, but my main word for this year is just that: Faith.   Faith encompasses something beyond a belief in God.  My belief that God exists has not changed nor has the core of that belief been shaken in any way.  Other areas of Faith, however, are shaky.  My Faith that people are truly good and kind.  My Faith in the laws of karma.  My Faith that in the long run of things, everything will work out in the way it should, and in the proper time, not in MY time.  And most of all, the Faith I need to have in myself.  That I am worthy.

In many long discussions with my dear friend Lee over the choice of my 2010 word, she suggested that maybe one word was all I needed this year.  I usually add a complementary couple of words to spice things up and I’m still debating that issue.  If I do choose two more words, one of those will be Gratitude and the other shall be Hope, but the jury is still out to be honest.  I do know that it’s time to begin to keep a Gratitude Journal once again, even if it’s just for the period between now and Easter.

Though it is only 9 PM, it has been a long day.  Time for a little bit of reading and a warm bed.

Sweet Dreams.

If you’re worried and you can’t sleep
just count your blessings instead of sheep
and you’ll fall asleep, counting your blessings..

It’s good advice, even if it came from the mind of Irving Berlin and the lips of Bing Crosby.  Over a year ago, I began making a shift to living a little more focused.  I wrote about it at All Things Girl, when I created a vision board and the choosing of three little words to live by for the year.  One of the things I blogged about was the fact that I had begun keeping a “gratitude journal”.   The physical journal has gone by the wayside, but the concept is still one of those full present pieces in my life.   The consciousness of being grateful.

Today, I  played golf.  We were on the 4th hole and I was waiting to take my second shot.  It’s February, yet it was 77 degrees and there was a light wind.  And I was outside enjoying the golf course in the sunshine.  In my silence and waiting, I sent out a silent prayer of thankfulness for the glorious day that I was able to simply be a part of.  And that is when it hit me.  Being thankful for the blessings in my life has become part of my subconscious existence.

Last week, as is evidenced by my lack of writing, was one of those weeks.  But each night, when I put my head on the pillow, I still do nightly prayers.  They are not complex, but simple.  I am simple in many ways and this is one of those ways.  I pray for peace and forgiveness, and I pull out at least two things from my day that I am thankful for.   Some days, finding two things in a particular day to be thankful for is a stretch, but those are the rare days.  Most days, I am able to pull together a longer list to go through my head.  They are fleeting, though, in that by not writing them down on paper, I am not able to look back and remind myself what was especially good about February 18th, for example.

Tonight, when I go to bed, my “sheep” will include:

• The beautiful weather and the ability to be a part of it…
• My improving golf game, including an 8-foot putt and a nice t-shot on the 7th hole…
• The ability to laugh at myself and still enjoy golf on the not so great shots…
• The sense of humor of my children…
• Inspirational and Creative People in my life…
• The lessons of learning patience and trust…
• The fact that my youngest is with me all week…
• That my oldest had a decent day and wasn’t cranky…
• That all my laundry is caught up…
• That I came home to a clean house and there are clean sheets on my bed…

And on that note, I do believe it is time to climb into bed, lay my head on my pillow, and get some sleep.  I hope that in your life, you are able to find things to be grateful for from your day.  Sweet Dreams.