To see where I am on my 2009 focus, you can find my column in the Everything Girl section. Happy Reading!

None of the contacts have been of a sexual nature but from a friendly approach – how are you, what are you up to, what projects are you working on, can we make our paths cross so that we can have dinner – gestures of friends…of kindness and of laughter shared. But it makes me wonder – why me – why now?  Is it the full moon?  Something in the water? Maybe it’s the upcoming holidays?  Maybe a rough patch in their lives and they simply need someone to talk with…someone they know won’t judge them?

I doubt that it is my sparkling personality. Maybe it’s simply that people who have seen me when I have been vulnerable know that no matter what has happened between us in the past, I still care.  I forgive easily and though I don’t always forget, I do try.  Life, you see, is short – and I don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to learn something new about myself.  And I don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to share kindness with someone that I (have) loved.

I love easy, by the way.  I think it’s a gift you can give to others and to withhold it is harming yourself.  “In love” is different and I fully recognize that gem and that differences.  I may love easily, but falling in love is a whole ‘nother thing that I don’t do easily.

In some ways, work has slowed to a very manageable pace.   I am beginning to open back up a little…I tend to become quite withdrawn when I am stressed and overworked – as if my mind and emotions are simply full up and I close parts of things down.  Not that my world is all peachy and flowery – there are some things going on with my oldest that is quite stressful, but that is being worked on. I have faith.

I know that the lessons we learn in our lives are meant to teach us – about life, about how to cope, about how to be better or how to let go.  Relationships with people are often the way in which we learn those lessons.  At times, we are haunted by the ghosts of our relationships past – kind of like in A Christmas Carol.  Sometimes, it’s simply a memory or a flash of a Ghost of a Relationship Past that pops in, to poke you into being the bigger person and being the first to make contact.  Do the appearance of these apparitions means I need to learn something?  Or, instead, am I supposed to teach them something…about forgiveness and loving kindness?

I try never to be one of those people who lives in the past, but I recognize that without our pasts – and without the ability to be honest about the ups and downs of our past – are we able to truly live in the present.  Maybe the Ghosts simply want to be Ghosts of Relationship Present and Future…..

Well, on that note, I think it’s time for bed….but what about you?  what do you think?  What do you think about Ghosts?

And this is Gillette Castle. Which, in some ways looks like Fred and Wilma should live there

And my favorite of my photos. Mystic Seaport. My photos, by the way, don’t hold a candle to the photos my friend took.

I’m really in the mood to go back. I liked the quiet and the graceful beauty. I also found myself very comfortable…and with a gypsy soul, sometimes, it’s hard to feel comfort when you are still….

I started three different columns, by the way. All of them updates on where I am with my Three Little Words this year. I think I just had so much other stuff filling my head that I didn’t accomplish putting my thoughts on paper as well as I would have liked. Here, I may blabber on a bit about this and that – and not really worry that each sentence is grammatically correct or that my writing stays on topic.

I’m not quite sure what my June column will be, but I am determined to have one.

I did have some things that were quite well written, though, at least in the beginning, so I thought I would at least share them here in this personal space of mine…..

We are almost midway through 2008 and I am happy to say that the three little words that I chose to guide me this year are still a part of my life. Passion is my ever-present companion as I look at pieces of my life. I am constantly finding joy in spending my time doing what I enjoy. Granted, most of us enjoy what we enjoy, however, I have had moments in the past where I would feel downright guilty. This year, though, I am simply enjoying what I love…allowing the passion to lead me where it leads me. I am tiring of making apologies for my unconventional interests (like WWII Aviation) and for indulging in my occasional luxuries (like my hair and my nails).

I will tell you that it is a struggle. A struggle break habits of years of apologizing for being myself.

In 1997, I was “typed” as an ENTJ on the Jung / Meyer-Briggs Type Indicator. Years of personal experience and research has shown me that this typing is accurate, at least in my world. Every once in a while, I will drag out old reference and management books that I have liked enough to keep in my library, recently, it was “Please Understand Me II” by David Keirsey. The first lines of the book rang loud and clear to me:

“If you do not want what I want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong…..Or if my beliefs are different from yours, at least pause before you set out to correct them. Or if my emotion seems less or more intense than yours, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel other than I do…..I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up trying to change me into a copy of you”

How many times in my life have I apologized to someone in my life because I was different? How am I to be true to my passions if I fail to embrace the differences in myself? And stop trying to conform simply for the sake of conforming?

I do not succeed each and every day with remembering all three of my words, but I do see some marked progress. As I wrote about in my March column, I was struggling a bit. When I realized what was happening….and managed to step out of that with courage and allow the changes to take place….I found something else. The more vibrant portions of my personality that I had tucked away into a compartment so that I could satisfy the needs of my biggest client of 2007 is still there, inside of me. That vibrant personality was too much for the enviroment I was working in for the bulk of the time. Being couragous enough to take a harder look at myself, I stepped out…and away….and realized that I had given into that fear and settled in a space where my career was stangant and no matter what zest I found for life, I was doing myself a disservice because my passion was diluted.

Watered down passion is more tragic than it is to live a life without passion in many ways.

I still struggle with forgiving myself as I do others. I know that a base part of my nature is to be self-critical, and re-reading about ENTJ’s reminded me of that. I had delved, though, into something more along the lines of self flagellation. It’s a matter of opening up my heart a bit and finding, once again, the seeds of compassion.

I was reminded when talking to Lee that in many ways, the compassion I do have for others is self-taught, so it’s no wonder that to be more forgiving and passionate to myself, I would need to try a little harder.

2008 is turning out to be a wonderful year. I have a feeling that part 2 will be even more rewarding than part one was.

You know I will let you know…..