I gave full reign to my Gypsy Soul and Workaholic Personality on my birthday:  boarded a plane at 5:45 AM and was in a meeting in Philadelphia by 12:30 and ended the day with a dinner meeting, which put me getting to bed around 1 AM.  It was a good way to spend my birthday:  working hard and sliding between decadent Frette linens at one of my favorite hotel chains at the end of a long and satisfying day.

Not the ideal day for most, but for me, it worked.  I was so thankful for the good work with a wonderful (and new) client.  A new client is a wonderful birthday gift!

The following day, I boarded a train and headed down to DC where I was able to combine work for a couple of different clients with catch-up meals with friends.   I saw a wonderful play at Ford’s Theatre with a dear friend and wound my way through a couple of exhibits at the National Portrait Gallery.   I was also able to visit a special grave at Arlington National Cemetery during my trip, something I missed on my more harried trip into DC in early April.

There is something about being on hallowed ground that allows me to reconnect with my spiritual side.

My 41st year was tumultuous and stressful.  My 42nd year will be about the continual improvement of the soul.  Under my terms.  Following my rules.  Keeping in mind that I must continue to rebuild my faith and face it with courage.

(The photo is mine, taken May 20, 2010, Arlington National Cemetery)

When I moved blogs from my dot net to this domain, I deleted more blog posts than I imported back in.  At the time, I had felt I was making the right decision as the man I was seeing was jealous of the men in my past, some of which (The Pilot Guy specifically).   I went a little crazy after the initial export last year and deleted over 80% of my past posts.

Earlier this week, I ran across the WordPress file from the move and decided to take a leap of faith about lessons learned: you cannot erase the past.  In fact, the events and actions of our past is what we learn from.  Tonight, though I should be in bed, I imported the old posts and the only deletions I made from the import were the duplicates.

So, if you are the type to go through a persons archives, you will find some things there today that weren’t there yesterday.  There is still some clean-up that needs to be done, like the restoration of some photos and the cleaning up of categories.  But it feels good.

The photo, by the way, was taken on a dear friend’s back porch.  On a day when I needed comfort and an escape.  A part of my past – a part of my growth as a woman – a part of my evolution.  Because we cannot erase the past, but we can certainly learn from it….

Usually, the animals wake me between 5:30 and 6:30 to remind me that they are in need of food right now. Today, it was 6:05 AM. Instead of feeding everyone, keeping my eyes closed to keep the light out and surrendering to the call of my covers, I started the coffee pot and got busy. The first thing I did was strip the sheets off the bed, and with the help of Tommy the Cat, put on fresh sheets so that tonight, I will be rewarded after a long day with the sensual feel of freshly laundered Egyptian cotton.

I wish I could tell you why I was so inspired before the sun had actually risen. I have always been a morning person, true, but for the last few months, I wasn’t an early morning person. I think it’s a sign that the blues are beginning to leave me a bit. I’ve reconnected with some old friends and have made a few new web friends in the past couple of weeks. Talking with these amazing, strong, and inspirational women has helped me more than I can say. I finally wrote a column for All Things Girl after an 11-month absence. And I decided to not replace my fish.

I know that not replacing the fish that left while I was traveling may seem like something odd, but for me, it was a sign that the part of my life was over, and it was time to move on. See, the ex-boy insisted that I needed fish since they were shown to reduce blood pressure. Well, as my Cuban girlfriend, who was house-sitting for me when the fish expired put it: all they did were raise my blood pressure! (Believe me when I say that the story of their expiration is humorous…I must tell it to you soon).

Anyhoo.

Yesterday, I went through the arduous task of dismantling the 10-gallon tank, which went promptly to the curb. Then, I moved the cedar chest that was serving as a tank-stand into the spare room and out of my dining room. Later last night, my dear Cuban friend came back over and helped me further rearrange the furniture in the dining nook of my kitchen. Eliminating that bulky chest and the fish tank opened up this amazing space in there. We moved the China Cabinet and then pulled the leaf out of the kitchen table. WOW. Seriously. I never knew that those few things could make my kitchen/dining area so much more inviting. So, this morning, when I stumbled into the kitchen to feed the remaining creatures of The Menagerie, I felt as if I had the space to really breathe.

I know that Mondays come a bit too often for most of us, but today, Monday was a welcome day. A fresh start with an smorgasbord of opportunities. A day to be celebrated and embrace, instead of a day to hide myself back in the covers.

It’s a beautiful day out there. I hope you are able to find the blessings in your day. If not, maybe the lovely harmonies of The Mamas and the Papas will put your day on a better path. Love and Peace, baby!

Instead, I am up and sipping on my second cup of coffee.

I’ve fed the animals, have spent some time in mediation and have caught up on my email and the overnight Twitter feed.    I am making some mental lists of tasks to accomplish this week.   I am determined that this week will be productive.

I mentioned the WayBack machine recently, and in reviewing some almost decade-old posts, I was amazed at the sheer volume I was writing.  I was traveling this past week and though I didn’t have much time to write, I did have some quiet time to think and in questioning myself as to how I was able to be so prolific, I realized that I was doing the bulk of my writing early in the morning.    It was also a time before Social Media sights, like Twitter and Facebook.    All this thinking led me to a few points to ponder.

• When is my mind the freshest?  Mornings.  In order to accomplish this, I need to get to bed earlier and get up earlier.   My second freshest time is right before I go to bed.
• What is my true goal:  to be a better Social Media person or be a better Writer?  To be a better writer.  To take these ever-flowing, copious thoughts and put them to paper.
• What’s the point of getting up earlier if I’m going to linger?  That’s the point.  I can’t linger and surf and play.  I need to spend a dedicated 15 to 30 minutes writing.
• How can I stay caught up on things?  Discipline.  Focus.  Goal Setting.  List Making.   A trusty egg-timer.

I know I shouldn’t try to add too many habits into my days at one time if I hope for them to stick, but I believe I have a plan.

• I need to return to spending an hour on Sundays to review my schedule, updating my task list, and setting mini-goals for the week.  If you must know, I still believe in many of the habits I began when I was subscribing to the Covey methods for organization.
• I need to spend a small out of time meditating each day.
• I need to utilize my mornings better, and spend 15 to 30 minutes doing personal writing.
• I need to trade Scrubs re-runs at bedtime for another 30-minutes of writing.
• I need to turn distractions off during my writing time, including Tweetdeck and my email window.

The last several months have been more difficult than I could ever express, though I finally wrote a little in my column for All Things Girl.   Besides rebuilding my faith in myself, I also need to embrace some other principals, like courage and passion.  I am a strong woman with some solid goals. Thing is, there is only one person who  can accomplish my goals, and that is me.

I am also a smart woman and know that the best way to help myself is to also allow myself to lean on my friends.   I cannot continue to hide the good, the bad, and the ugly from those people who love me.  If I allow my friends to hold me to my goals, so if you see that I miss more than a day or two here, please feel free to call me on it.  Comment.  Email me.  It’s all part of me trusting that other people honestly care about me as ME instead of pretending to care because they want something from me.

I am a creative being and know that Life is a journey.   I know that my spirit wants to grow and achieve.  I know that with each day, I have a little more faith.  And it feels right.

Much love to you and yours.

Our bodies and our lives are forever changing. We are all energy that is continuously flowing. When we fight with our reality through non-acceptance, we are blocking the energetic flow of the universe.

This is why dieter’s get stuck in a negative cycle of gaining and losing. They continuously focus on what they don’t want – the weight. They are afraid that if they accept their wonderful bodies as they are now, it will never change. However, the opposite is true. If they will trust the divine intelligence of the universe and understand that very few things in life are permanent – including weight – then acceptance may come easier.

Permanence is rigid. It does not bend. It breaks easily. It is a block to creativity. This mindset stands between you and your ideal body. Think of things that we deem as permanent – death and, well, come to think of it, nothing in life is permanent, except maybe Sharpie’s.

When you believe in permanence, you lose. You believe things won’t change. And then you spend your time fighting with reality, and as Byron Katie says, “To argue with reality is to argue with God, and you only lose 100% of the time.”

But, acceptance….acceptance is love. It allows for transformation. It fuels positive energy. It flows. It puts you at peace with yourself, and peaceful people don’t stuff down their feelings with food, and if they do, they know that it isn’t permanent. The next moment is an opportunity to start over.

Self-acceptance causes you to be an ally with yourself, instead of your worst enemy. When our bodies and minds work together, amazing things happen. Acceptance means that you accept the now but you are also excited about what is to come, not afraid of what the future holds.

via Acceptance does NOT Equal Permanence « Just B Living.

This is one of the best things I’ve read all week.  I am certainly the queen at self-flagellation and in recent weeks I’ve realized that it has to stop.  I am a long believer in the fact that we are capable of stretching our spirits and polishing up our souls if we are willing.  But I wasn’t looking at all the wonderful things in my life and all the positive things I do, I was only looking at my failures.  It’s a horrid cycle to get into, and when you are there in the middle of it, you just can’t seem to find a way out.

I know that there is a way out, though.  And it isn’t going to be easy, but it’s doable.  And it isn’t going to be possible if I continue to criticize myself for anything negative; I have to accept things as they are and also accept that I have the power to change.

Christine Kane had advised creating a weekly “minimum habit requirement”:

4. Create an MHR.

MHR stands for “Minimum Habit Requirement.”

Instead of trying to change everything at once, pick one small new habit and make that your Minimum Habit Requirement each day. A 30-minute work out, for example.

Your MHR is the starting point of your newfound proactivity. The goal is to simply experience the creative energy of choosing a habit and sticking with it.

via Christine Kane’s How to Turn a Set-Back into a Come-back (Part Two)

My goal for this week was to get back into the gym at least twice this week.  Today was the third day this week that I’ve made it.   My body is sore, but a really good sore that reminds me that my muscles love to be worked and that my body really is more energetic when I move it.    The first day back, I was feeling really wonderful about being there until a group of stick-thin women headed into the Yoga area.  Then I gave myself a little talking to:  why would I beat myself up for having this curvy, wonderful body?   It isn’t perfect, but it’s something that can be worked until it’s in the best shape that it can be.    I don’t have the stick-thin body type and though I can lose a little around the middle, parts of me won’t decrease unless I have breast-reduction surgery.   I LIKE my curves – they are wonderful.  And being back in the gym will enhance that wonderfulness, make me feel more energetic, and continue to make me feel strong and healthy.

What about you?  Are you stuck in the cycle of only seeing your flaws?  Or are you striving to accept your reality as you make your life better?

Today is dedicated to all things creative.  I am heading over to Melissa‘s for coffee (and a snack of course).  We discuss our open projects and brainstorm ways to complete them along with new projects to consider.  We also spend some of our time discussing where things stand on All Things Girl, which is seeing an increase in energy with the promotion of Roxanne Ravenel to Senior Editor.  Being around creative people, even if it’s just via email as we plan things, really energizes me to new energies and inspires me to pursue my creative goals.

In Part Two (I mentioned Part One last week) of Christine Kane’s post “How to Turn a Set-Back into a Come-back“, she suggests that we do just that:

7. Immerse yourself in higher voices.

You’re blessed to be living in a time when you can access any spiritual teacher or success guru in the world. Audiobooks, downloads, articles, books and blogs. Give yourself time each day to renew your mind and get stoked by higher voices. It will train you to think yourself into your comeback.

Christine is right.  There is incredible access to higher voices in 2010.  In pursuit of re-energizing myself…of growing…of finding my courage and my faith…. I have come to realize that these higher voices are all around me.  My friend Lee has been a part of my life for more years than I can count on both hands now, and I have always looked to her as a spiritual guide and teacher.  She is one of those voices.    And spending time  (in person, on the phone, via email, via the quiet pursuit of surfing the web) with creative people like Melissa and Roxanne and Lorissa (our ATG Founder)  and so many other people in my life is a way to immerse myself in some higher voices.  When I have the doubts, the lack of self confidence, the feeling that my ideas are silly or not worth pursuing, I get the gentle encouragement I need, even if they don’t know they are doing it.

So the questions to ask today:  what higher voices are you listening to – and are they inspiring you?  And are you living a life that can be a higher voice to those around you?  What can you do today to inspire, support, gently guide and lift up the world?  Probably more than you think….

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(this photo taken in September 2008; not much has changed since then)

I didn’t get to spend as much time there as I would have liked, but part of traveling over a holiday weekend and having family obligations means less down time. In a typical trip to DC, I would have planned to stay through late Sunday or early Monday. With my mom’s illness, I needed to be home for lunch. But I digress.

The spring air combined with a much needed cocktail got my head wrapped around what needs to be accomplished during the month of April. I set about doing a bit of woolgathering and discovered that my wish list is quite long. Still, I allowed my mind to wander as I sat in the garden and thought about work and wants and needs and the need to reintroduce some creativity back into my daily life. Brief moments aren’t conducive to a real brain dump, so I saved that until my flight home.

After breakfast was served and I was enjoying my 3rd cup of coffee, I sat with pen and paper and begin listing everything that had gathered in my mind.    When you end up with a laundry list of to-dos and must-dos, getting a real control over it can be a task so daunting that it’s almost paralyzing. As overwhelming as it can be, the only way to make progress is to break it down into chunks and eat it like you would an elephant: one bite at a time.

April is going to be an interesting month.  I already had the beginnings of heavier than usual travel and with the (potential) new contract, that means three days a week on the road.  It’s the kind of travel I like:  solid contract with the ability to find my way around a new town and make it “mine”.  Granted, I’d love that city to be a city like DC, but to be honest, I’m thrilled with wherever work takes me.  (I can tell you that there is no Kimpton Hotel in this city – there isn’t even a single Hilton Property in the town!).

Just keep good thoughts headed my way as I break down my laundry list into those manageable bites and set out to conquer the little piece of my world!

Several months ago I had decided that the relationship with The Pilot Guy was not working.  That decision came for me in October.  He did ask me to give him an opportunity again around Christmas, which I gave to him early last month.  All it did was confirm that I made the right decision.  He is my friend, of course, but it didn’t feel right for where I am in what I want in life right now.   I was honest with him about how I felt.  I believe that honesty is important as long as it’s done in a way that isn’t hurtful.  After the plane crash in Buffalo, I knew that I would be hearing from him.  Part of his job is to handle the investigation on some plane crashes.  Sure enough, the day after, I heard from him and told him to be safe and take care of himself.  Plane crash investigations are never easy.   But then he called one morning this week.  I guess he needed a voice of  comfort after dealing with so much death.  I was more than happy to talk with him, despite the early hour.  Yesterday, however, he crossed the boundaries of where things stood, and I had to be a little more brutal with my honesty.  I like straightforwardness but I dislike being brutal.   It doesn’t sit well in my belief of the laws of karma, as I wish to be dealt with honestly but gently.

A year ago, I probably would have caved and told him I’d do what I could.  Now?  I couldn’t in good conscious because I know, through giving it several chances, it isn’t right for me and allowing him to believe that the passage of time is a cure-all isn’t the right thing to do if I follow my heart.  So, instead, I chose to be constructive.    I think this is just one example of where I am seeing my own growth though, which tells me the work I have done to become more disciplined is effective. When I sit down to write my column, it isn’t something that is done by the seat of my pants, but something that I thought hard over – especially my January columns as I put into words that I have decided my focus for the year will be. I think that everyone has within them the ability for growth if they so desire, and I personally learn something new most days.   Just because we can grow, doesn’t mean that it’s easy.    However, I do find that when I am true to myself, the harder lessons are easier.

Hard or easy, lessons are not all painful.   Growth and my ability to be patient are giving me many blessings.   This week has had many blessings.  I’ve had the youngest with me all week, which has been a joy despite her being sick.  I am finding a little more confidence in parts of myself.   I am also finding a hunger to learn more.

I think living constructive was a fabulous choice for 2009.

I am shocked, however, that just stretching, doing light cardio and focused lifting that insists upon stability is effective.  Effective in that I am losing weight, I am gaining flexibility, my core is growing stronger and my stability (when doing isolated exercises) is growing.  It’s why I knew I needed some professional help to get me started – and keep me motivated.

The word of the day, today, seemed to be “isometric“.

But damn, it’s hard, to feel like I am starting back at the beginning. Base Camp One.

In Other News:

The Jan/Feb 2009 Mid-Issue Update of All Things Girl is now live. Some really fabulous stuff.   Part Two of our interview with Laura Bell Bundy, Man of the Moment Ben Bailey, some really fabulous short stories and poetry, as well as the introduction of a new columnist and other goodies.

While you are there, be sure and check out my  contribution to the Arts Section, which is, frankly, an image I cannot get out of my head:  the sheer volume of homeless in DC.  He lived outside the Navy Memorial Metro Stop, below $2,000 a month condos steps away from one of my favorite DC spots for dining….

On a more upbeat note, do check out my column, What’s In Your Heart.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday.  Hope your week is wonderful!

From the inside looking out, though, it hasn’t been very quiet at all.  I’ve made major progress with this house.  There are boxes full of unused kitchen utensils and trash bags full of clothes and linens.  All of the “droppings” from my oldest that were in the living room and kitchen have been deposited back into her room.  I’ve also done some slight rearranging in my bedroom and introduced new cookware into my kitchen.

I’ve also been doing a lot of woolgathering.   In 2008, my guiding principals were Passion, Courage and Forgiveness and the ability to embrace those words was an amazing way to bring a level of focus.  Moving into 2009 means  the contemplation of new words…even though the current words are dead-on still.  2009 will be a year of change no matter what due to the upcoming 18th birthday this summer of the oldest.  So, what did I decide?  Well, you will have to wait until the January issue of All Things Girl comes out (which will be January 3rd).  But I would love to hear from you what your resolutions / goals / or focus will be in 2009.

Much love to all of you as we say hello to 2009.