Magnetic Words
Posted on 08. Jul, 2009 by Deb.
There is a pile of magnetic words on my desk and they are mocking me.
green angry purple who
soft stroke drunk instrument
grace nude white free
death give art canvas
I used to arrange them in little phrases on the dry erase board that hung next to the desk. But then they became relegated to a few phrases on an old food tin with the balance of the words gathering dust in a coffee cup.
While I was at work yesterday, my daughter found them and joyfully pulled them out of their dusty home. And rearranged the phrases on the tin container. Laughing, she showed me how the words “hard” and “on” had become stuck together. She showed me the words she put inside a compartment of the tin “so empty”.
The words above were in the pile, but to the left, all alone, is the word “approach”. As much as the pile is mocking me, the word to the side is reminding me that the words are still there. They are just waiting for me to get away from some of my fear of stringing them together to once again form phrases and sentences and paragraphs. Fear is a powerful thing and I must master it and overcome it.
I need to focus on the new phrases that my daughter set out for me
I can feel the joy
live life
create music
passion
I see why you write
imagine
shimmer
impression
they demand it
passion
from me to you
glorious experiment
Here is to overcoming fear. Finding my words. And focus on the new word that I’ve pulled aside: “soon”. Time for this girl to head to my client’s office. I hope ya’ll have a great morning.
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The Back Porch
Posted on 21. Jun, 2009 by Deb.
I have reclaimed my back porch. For the first time in four years, there are flowers and herbs for the pure pleasure of having them.
A combination of work and travel and household dynamics led to the almost abandonment of the backyard as a place to be and was a part of the burden of upkeep of a house. This house had become a burden, not a home.
Through the mirth of a happy accident, I fell in love. I began to realize this house could, if desired, be a home. A home where I could build my life with someone who I was madly in love with. A man who loves me back with as much (or more) passion. Bit by bit, as we began to plan for our future, I began to see this house as a haven from the storm.
And I began nesting.
About once a week, I would clean out a drawer or clean out a closet. I had realized that, although we had been divorced for more than four years, my ex-husband still had stuff here. Not just little stuff, significant amounts of things. Because it was easier to leave stuff he didn’t want to deal with as he created a new life with a new wife. I finally broke the hold this stuff had on me the day I took the wedding gown I had found in the back of the hall closet and put it in the trash and carried it to the curb.
It’s a fabulous story, a story to which I will not digress, but I will tell you this: it was freeing to break the hold my former life had on me. When I finally realized I had been given the chance at a real life with a man who loved me for me. And that it was ok to let go of the trappings, feelings, and burdens of the past.
After my eldest daughter moved out, I went on an all-out-full-scale cleaning binge. I reclaimed this house for my future. Bit by bit. Room by room. Including the back porch.
I’ve swept and cleaned. I’ve planted marigolds. I’ve planted herbs that I will cook with, like basil and sage and dill. I’ve also planted a couple of tomato plants, a cucumber plant and a zucchini plant. I finally took the indoor/outdoor George Foreman Grill out of the box in which it stayed after I bought it a couple of years ago and put it together. And I hung a beautiful little copper wind chime.
Every morning when I water my plants or sit and enjoy my first cup of coffee, I am reminded you are never too old to find love or contentment. Every time I step out on the patio to pluck a basil leaf for something I am cooking, I am reminded it is possible to reclaim yourself from your past, just as I reclaimed the porch. And just as I watch my little tomato plants grow, I am reminded that good things come to those who wait.
My back porch may be simple from an outside observer, but to me it’s a symbol. It’s a symbol to remind me you can give yourself permission to love. And you have to let go of some of the past and purge it out to allow someone to love you back.
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Teeny Twitter Diet
Posted on 15. May, 2009 by Deb.
I love Twitter.
Twitter has kept me connected with old friends, helped me make new ones, kept me informed on the latest news, and allowed me to read the snarkiest thoughts of my children. It is a fabulous piece of technology and networking that allows me to instantly be aware of the world around me. Some days, however, especially on days when I am already stretching to maintain my focus, Twitter has become a distraction. I have discussed this with other creative folks and many say the same thing: Twitter is reducing their productivity, especially on creative projects such as writing.
Yesterday, I stumbled upon “Adult Attention Disorder: The Splintering of Communications“. I clicked to read the article, thinking it was about ADD. Instead, it was more about the perceived need to divide our attention between the many avenues of communication. Tom Steinert-Threlkeld consulted with Dr. David W. Goodman, an assistant professor at Johns Hopkins University.
What is happening with the splittering of communications instead is an overload of distractions, on individual plates.
This puts strain, instead, on what Dr. Goodman calls the “executive functioning” of the brain.
Some people are able to intuitively and naturally organize and prioritize endless streams of inputs and respond accordingly, rapidly.
Others, though, succumb to the distractions and can’t get out from under them. The barrage of communications and trying to figure out what to do with their contents – and the emotion that goes with some of it – “disrupts the ability to accurately prioritize” what to do. Or not to do.
I understood exactly what the article was talking about. Some of us, in order to be more productive, require more structure. I am always disciplined when it comes to work for my clients; I need to be more disciplined when it comes to making progress on some creative projects. As part of that need to be more disciplined, I decided that I would put myself on a Twitter Diet.
Like any diet, the same one doesn’t work for all of us. For me, my Twitter diet will consist of not keeping TweetDeck open all the time, catching up on all my Twitter friends three or four times a day, and restraining myself from sharing so many thoughts that I irritate my own friends. I’m not abandoning Twitter, just cutting back a bit. Like any diet, I will re-evaluate as time passes and make adjustments as I need. I hope you will stick around and continue to “follow” me, but I understand if you don’t.
I welcome your thoughts and comments on my diet, as well as how Twitter has affected your productivity and creativity.
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Black Hole
Posted on 13. May, 2009 by Deb.
“My room is a black hole. I never find half the stuff I bring.” So was the lament of my youngest child on Sunday night and Monday morning. Missing were a camera, IPod headphones, a white camisole, and a blue blouse. I managed to find most of her things before she left to go to her father’s – except the camera.
I don’t know how she loses random objects as she goes through the day. To be honest, I don’t know how I do it, either. Finding some things is a snap; other objects never appear no matter how diligent the prayers to Saint Anthony may be.
Today, I sat on the sofa in my office to read for a bit. The gold hoop on my left ear managed to come unhooked and fall between the cushions of the couch, and as I reached down to retrieve it, I found the missing camera.
The black hole of the couch cushions, however, ate the earring. Maybe it will turn up under her bed.
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Less Moo
Posted on 11. May, 2009 by Deb.
For years, my parents filled the freezer by splitting a cow with my aunt and uncle. Yes, you read that right: half a side of beef. I’m Texan and beef was the staple of my childhood meals. As an adult responsible for cooking, I tended to mimic my upbringing, until recently when I began eating more consciously. I now substitute more chicken, turkey and more beans. There were many reasons, some health related, some spiritual. In the past, Chili would have been made with lots of ground beef (or worse, out of a can). Tonight, I altered a recipe from Cook Yourself Thin; alterations were made to match what was in the pantry and the spices were increased for taste.
Ingredients:
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1 pound ground turkey
- Salt
- Pepper
- 4 teaspoons chili powder
- 2 teaspoon ground cumin
- 1 teaspoon dried oregano
- 1 teaspoon paprika
- dash ground cinnamon
- 1/2 white onion, chopped
- 2 cloves garlic, chopped
- 2 carrots, roughly chopped
- 1 14-ounce can chopped whole tomatoes, with juice
- 1 tablespoon cocoa powder
- 2 14-ounce–15-ounce cans dark red kidney beans, drained and rinsed
Instructions: Put olive oil, salt, pepper and turkey in pan. Brown turkey. Add onion, chili powder, cumin, cinnamon, oregano, paprika, and garlic. Simmer for 5 minutes, covered. Add carrots, tomatoes, cocoa powder and kidney beans. simmer, covered, for 20 minutes. I topped the chili with grated cheese (2% Cheddar) and served with Blue Corn & Flax Seed Tortilla Chips (Archer Farms brand from Target).
I was unsure of the cocoa, but then I thought about Mole and was thrilled with the results. When cooking with turkey, I’m finding I need a little bit more spice. Otherwise, it’s been a very easy switch from beef.
I’m curious: have you cut back on beef? Are you substituting ground turkey or chicken in a favorite recipe?
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Nothing
Posted on 10. May, 2009 by Deb.
Some of the best days are when you do nothing in particular, yet feel everything. And that was my more-than-wonderful, perfectly-perfect Saturday. I heard this song, just not this version, last night while watching a movie with my sweetie.
Hope you are having a lovely weekend!
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The Learning of a Heavenly Virtue
Posted on 08. May, 2009 by Deb.
Early Christian teachings focused on seven deadly, or cardinal, sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. In 410, Prudentius wrote of the battle between these sins and “heavenly virtues” in his epic Psychomachia. The Roman Catholic Church officially recognized the virtues in positive contrast to the sins. These virtues are: chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness and humility. The 8th virtue, by the way, is justice. We tend to hear more about the sins, I think, especially in classic writers like Dante and Chaucer.
I mean to write about the virtue of patience today. But as it tends to do when left on it’s own, my mind twists and turns. I begin to wonder who first said that Patience is a Virtue. At least now I know, that it was Prudentius.
I have always considered patience to be an outstanding virtue, though it has never been one of my strongest. Patience is difficult to learn, especially in a society that values instancy. Being a child of the 70’s, I can recall life before microwaves and computers and cell phones. I had pen pals and books and remember waiting for dinner to be cooked. I have at times fallen into the trap of the instant. I worry, at times, that my children will never understand that sometimes the best rewards in life can be found when you wait for it them My oldest may learn this, however. As a Culinary student, she is finding that slow, old-fashioned cooking is much better than what is thrown into the microwave.
Patience, while not perfected, is a virtue appearing in my life more often. Adding meditation to my daily routine has helped foster that growth. So has the practice of abstaining from eating meat on Friday’s. Especially when my children make tempting dishes. I am learning I can wait for the leftovers on Saturday instead, savoring he flavors and the care that went into the dish. I must say, patience seems almost out of reach on days in which I get my nails done and have to wait for them to dry. And then suddenly, I am rewarded when I realize that my nails are dry. There are other rewards in patience beyond my gluttonous lust for foods and a cute manicure. The greatest of these is Love.
Love, you see, is a reward of patience that demonstrates why early philolsophers considered it a heavenly virtue. It just took me 41 years to learn.
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Help Others.
Posted on 08. May, 2009 by Deb.
It’s simple.
Leave non-perishables next to your mailbox tomorrow, Saturday, May 9th, and your mail carrier will pick it up – and take it to a local food bank.
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Menagerie
Posted on 07. May, 2009 by Deb.
I have a soft spot in my heart for creatures. For the last nine years, the primary focus of that love has been my Bouvier des Flanders, Greta. When I think back about my life, I recall only a one-month period of my life when I didn’t have a pet of some sort.
My folks were cat people, and as a child I had cats. I learned kittens do better in pairs and older cats are fine on their own. When I married, after a month or so, we got a dog. Then when we moved into the house a few months later, my love of animals was allowed to blossom. Before we had children, we had two cats, three dogs, and a Mexican red-kneed tarantula named Charlie. Time and children changed the animal household. Animals passed away. Charlie went to the zoo. Having a curious toddler and a tarantula together made me uncomfortable. The Ft. Worth Zoo was happy to have him, as his species had become “threatened.”
For a while, we were down to Greta as our only pet.
As with the ebb and flow of life in general, our menagerie has expanded. First came the guinea pig. His name is simply “Pig.” His love of his cage mate left a friend with an infant, a toddler, two adult and several teenaged guinea pigs. He has a cute little personality and loves spinach.
Next came two little koi fish — after a month of Invisi-Fish as an aquarium “conditioned.”
Now we have a bit of a menagerie.
We have canine, rodent, fish — and now a feline. Today a cat joined our household. His name is Bat and he is beginning to settle into the family. He is a rescue kitty and has spent the last three months in a shelter. He will need to adjust, but will in time. I have faith.
Happy Thursday.
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Everything
Posted on 05. May, 2009 by Deb.
Some days, we have everything in our minds yet struggle to get the thoughts to flow from our minds onto the paper. It isn’t that it is a bad day, indeed it is often when I am clearest days I feel least able to write. Those who really know me, would say that it is words that flow from my mouth instead of my fingers. I have been writing in spells, often on paper; my thoughts have been too close to my heart to share but with those closest friends.
There have been more changes this year than I have ever had, and the mirth of happy accidents have given me something I never thought I would find: love. Not simply love, mind you, but a head-over-heels, how was I ever so lucky to have the love of a man who has become not only my mate but my best friend? This is one area in which I find it hard to make words, as I am so incredibly blissful and joyous. As a writer, I am also a voracious reader, so I find that it is often comforting to find the words of others that reflect how I feel. This is from a letter written by Zelda Fitzgerald to F. Scott Fitzgerald (1919):
If you should die – O Darling – darling Scott – It’d be like going blind. I know, I would, too, – I’d have no purpose in life – just a pretty – decoration. Don’t you think I was made for you? I feel like you had me ordered – and I was delivered to you – to be worn – I want you to wear me, like a watch-charm or a button hole bouquet – to the world.
When life has finally given you a person that makes you feel complete it is the most rewarding gift in the world. I am ever so thankful. 2009 has wrought the most amazing changes as I begin the next chapter of my life. Happy Tuesday.
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For the Love of the Cookbook
Posted on 03. May, 2009 by Deb.
I found it fascinating that, according to this article in the Wall Street Journal, there is a rise in the sale of cookbooks. By the numbers, books in the entertainment/cooking category is up by 4% (while adult nonfiction overall is down 9%). The author pointed out that people are cooking at home more as part of the factor, however, many of the cookbooks out there these days are impractical.
Many people confess to reading cookbooks “like novels,” that is, cover-to-cover, usually in bed and often with no real intention of preparing the dishes the author describes. The late, beloved food writer Laurie Colwin once wrote, “You want comfort; you want security; you want food; you want not to be hungry; and not only do you want those basic things fixed, you want it done in a really nice, gentle way that makes you feel loved….Cookbooks say to the person who’s reading them, ‘If you will read me, you will be able to do this for yourself and for others. You will make everybody feel better.’”
I certainly understand. Food is a comfort. When I am happy – or stressed – food comes into play. When I want to show others that I care about them, I long to feed them. Sometimes I find comfort in reading the food-words of others. I think it’s why so many talk about what they have eaten in blog posts, where the old joke was “I had a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch.” It isn’t that we have nothing else to say, it’s that we want to share with the nameless faces out there a part of our comfort.
For Christmas 2007, I purchased myself one item: Mario Batali’s Molto Italiano. And it resides, not in my kitchen where most cookbooks live, but among the books in my bedroom. I have yet to make a single item from this lovely book, but I have read it, like the article suggested, cover to cover like a novel. One day, I will make a special meal from these pages. In the meantime I have enjoyed the reading of it, savoring the words and imagining the ingredients in my hands as I prepare them to nourish the ones that I love.
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A Good Foundation
Posted on 29. Apr, 2009 by Deb.
Whenever a woman’s body changes, it is important that she invest in updated foundation garments (in other words: new brassieres). If you watch Oprah, you’ve heard the statistics that 8 out of 10 women are wearing the wrong size bra. It makes sense, honestly. Good undergarments, especially for women of larger size, are not inexpensive and we are often unwilling to spend money on this type of item which, in a budget situation, can seem impractical. If you look at the word that I first used when discussing bras, however, you will see how I feel about it: it is a foundation garment for every piece of clothing that you wear.
Yesterday, I met my girlfriend Miss J at Nordstroms. Last week when we had lunch, she confessed that she had not purchased new bras since before she had children. That was four years and two children ago. Do you realize how much a woman’s body changes when she has a child? As for me, since January, I’ve dropped around 24 pounds. For me, this translated into a loss of 4-inches, or 2 band sizes. I was very fortunate. The product representative for Fantasie was in the store and handled my fitting. No wonder my back has been bother me! Today, I feel a world of difference. My friend, Miss J, was so excited that she, once again, had more-defined waist.
Though not in every budget, I strongly suggest that you take a visit to Nordstroms to at least get fitted properly; you don’t have to purchase everything you try on, but you will leave knowing what your proper size should be; and anyone that wears an “A” to “D” cup can easily purchase bras at such wonderful places as Target. Those of use a little more endowed have learned that in the long run, Nordstroms is much less expensive than wearing the wrong size. Because a foundation is an important thing to have.
Happy Wednesday!
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Catching Up for All Things Girl
Posted on 27. Apr, 2009 by Deb.
This evening has been about catching up on all my backlogged email for All Things Girl. The next issue is due out at the end of the week, and I feel behind. I prefer to feel ahead. It will get there, though. It always does. I have yet to write my column, mainly because I don’t quite know what to write about. I like my columns to be a reflection of my growth and progress as a person and the changes in myself are so vast that it is hard to put into words some days. That’s a very good thing, actually. But as a writer, it gives me pause.
The editor for this upcoming issue for Arts seems to be AWOL, so I’ve been reviewing submissions for Arts, and am feeling very inspired by the wonderful images. In the early days of the zine, I had submissions in the Arts section often, but as the quality of digital photography has grown, fewer of my images make their way into our digital pages. We made a decision at the last redesign to treat each of the editors like anyone else: we submit to the issue through the editor of the section just like anyone. I’m giving my photos a quick glance-through, though!
A new redesign is in progress, and one of the things we have decided to do is close the reviews section and move all the reviews into the blog. We’ve been without a reviews editor for four issues now, so it’s a group effort. And to be honest, it’s almost as if we are competing with ourselves by putting reviews in both sections. We need reliable reviewers, though, as we are offered books to review all the time but just don’t have enough time – or people – to actually do the reviews.
Today is one of those thinking out loud days.
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…and a Very Nice Sunday
Posted on 26. Apr, 2009 by Deb.
As I was putting another load of laundry on to wash, I realized something: today has been a wonderful day. It isn’t that I’ve done something extraordinary, but the day-t0-day activities have been, in reflection, special in their own right.
- I was able to sleep in a little, fix some coffee and mediate.
- Spent some quality time just hanging out with my sweetie
- Cooked lunch
- Took a walk
- Grocery Shopped
- Watched a goofy movie with my youngest
- Washed, folded, and put away four loads of laundry
- Played a game of Scrabble in the afternoon
- Had dinner with my youngest, my oldest and her boyfriend as we watched Last Cake Standing
And my day is not yet at a close. I still am looking forward to:
- Kids going to bed on time without squabbles
- More quality time with my sweetheart
- A clean kitchen when I go to bed so that the day starts fresh tomorrow
Who could ask for much more than being surrounded with laughter and joy and love? Sometimes, I think we put so much emphasis on the big events in life that we lose sight on the absolute joy in the moments of each day. We are assualted with so many negatives out there. In fact, there are some folks that I know who seem to live so deeply in the world of the negatives that they can’t find the positives; the miss the sweetness of the moments as they rush from one activity to another or lament upon the bad things in their lives. Life is simply too short to dwell in the negatives. I prefer, instead, to look at the sunny side of the street.
Hope your Sunday has been as wonderful as you.
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Upcoming Changes
Posted on 25. Apr, 2009 by Deb.
I am changing my blog, and if you are here on the date this is written, you are one of the handful of friends that knows. It will be public in the next week or so, just as soon as the design work is completed. I’m not in a rush, when it gets down to it; my blog has never been about traffic, but about the exercise of writing. There are many factors, but overall, it is simply time for a change. One of many changes this year. I don’t look at change as a negative, by the way, but a positive.
Overall, I am an optimistic person and in thinking up a new domain name, I thought about my overall philosophy about this “thing” that is my life. When it comes down to it, I know that life is not always easy; at times we must do things that are incredibly difficult. In order to continue growing, remembering the positive while dealing with the difficult is like this: focus on the sprinkles of the cupcake that is my life. Simplistic and not always practical, but certainly a better approach to life than to focus on the dregs in the bowl.
I took the words of Courage and Passion for 2008 and am well versed in their application to my life. As Audre Lorde put it “Afraid is a country with no exit visa” and if I choose to live in the world of fear, I will never grow nor change. So courage shall continue. And life is not a life well lived without passion. Life is about living – and loving. 2009 has turned out to be the best year ever of my life. There have been changes in me that I hadn’t thought possible; I have learned more about openness, vulnerability and trust than I knew. There has also been the gift of love, and through love, the ability to learn to forgive myself for my imperfections. In the words of Zona Gale “Loving, like a prayer, is a power as well as a process. It is curative. It is creative.” The process is truly wonderful – frightening, but also so incredibly amazing. Each day brings new magic and I am appreciating each and every single sprinkle I’m given.
Life is simply too short to do otherwise.