Wordless Wednesday: Washington Monument in Spring
Posted on 31. Mar, 2010 by Deb.
My favorite city in the Spring: Washington DC, April 2008.
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Your “Old Self”
Posted on 29. Mar, 2010 by Deb.
In my perusal of blogs, I came across this post by Christine Kane last week – Part One of a two-part series entitled “How to Turn a Set-back into a Comeback”. Part one goes through six reminders about set-backs, things that we truly need to understand and embrace before we are able to move forward. I was re-reading the post tonight after sending it to one of my ATG Editors and stopped here:
2 – You’re not going to get back to your “Old Self.”
Sometimes during set backs, we just want things to be the way they used to be. We want our Old Self back.
But think about this. Your “Old Self” was the self that was living so unconsciously that this situation was created in order to wake her up!
You don’t want “Old Self.” You want EXACTLY who you are now. Warts, bruises, disillusionment, and all. These things transmute into wisdom. A New Self. A Wiser Self.
She is there, waiting for this stuff to fall away so she can rise up.
It’s interesting to sit back and realize that everything that has happened to each of us in our lives will stick with us forever. In some cases, we take for granted the good things that happen in our lives. Or we try to ignore the bad things in our lives. We can muddle through the days and the nights until suddenly we realize that weeks have passed – or months – and we are simply exisiting.
Or we can be active participants in our lives.
Take what has happened and learn from it.
Too much of the last few months, I have allowed life to happen to me. I have lived a life of reaction. It’s not a way to live life, but it certainly seems a way to shorten life. In fact, Number 5 on Christine’s list is “we often become addicted to reaction”. It’s a cycle – a perpetual cycle. In order to stop the cycle, however, we have to make a conscious decision to (1) recognize we are simply reacting and (2) stop it. I know there will be days, like the day I rushed to the hospital, where reacting is necessary. But in order to heal, I have to break as much of the cycle of reaction as possible.
I had mentioned earlier that “faith” was my word for 2010. There is no way I will be able to find my faith again – the faith in people in my life, the faith in the goodness of strangers and the faith in me – if I don’t accept that life evolves and people change. I am harder on myself than anyone else, and if I am to accept the fact that people change and change is often a good thing, then I must accept the fact that I am an ever changing and evolving creature.
I want to change. I want to evolve. I want to learn. I want to be a wiser woman, to embrace my bruises of the past, and actually live life. Life is short, too short. And if I am to find my faith in the world, then I need to be an active participate in life instead of reacting to events or watching the world go by.
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The Silent Treatment
Posted on 29. Mar, 2010 by Deb.
“David’s son Absalom turned against him and was killed. Yet David wrote some of the most beautiful psalms, the ones about being lovingly cared for. Also some of the whiniest. I deeply respect that about God, that he chooses anti-heroes, people who have lost much, cynics. It makes me hope he has a place in the palm of his hand for ironists, the immature, the somewhat snide, the ones who can’t help but laugh at bits of religion. Me. He’s brought me to his beautiful place to show me something.”
I read this piece with great interest and it interested me on many levels.
I’ve thought about a retreat in the past and I had plans to attend one with Christine Kane in 2007, but ended up having to cancel due to some family matters. There is also a great appeal to being surrounded by those who have chosen a monastic life since “faith” is my word for 2010. A retreat at home is impossible, as I am always able to fill the quiet time with things and distractions.
Certainly something to consider.
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Update on My Mom
Posted on 28. Mar, 2010 by Deb.
Mother was finally sent home from the hospital on Wednesday evening. She met with oncology (Texas Oncology and they are WONDERFUL) on Thursday for her pre-assessment meeting to get her tattoo and cat-scan. On Friday received her first radiation treatment. She was exhausted both Friday night and most of Saturday and ate her first good meal on Saturday night. Today, she says she is tired but feels more like her “old self”.
We know that the cancer is a 3b and we know that it has not spread beyond her chest cavity at this point. She is going to try radiation and will make a decision from there on her further treatment. The doctors have told her that have two weeks of radiation, they will be able to see if it is effective in any way. At this point, she will decide if she is going to continue treatment.
I know a lot of folks would say that she should do everything possible to extend her time here in this life. And no one wants to lose their Mother (or spouse or sister or grandmother). However. It is HER life. HER body. She has said that if treatment is going to only prolong her life by weeks or months and she will be miserable and in pain, she doesn’t want to do it. If treatment can prolong her life by years, she is all in. She wants to remain as long as possible, but there has to be a QUALITY to life, not just quantity.
She is 74 and has led a long, full life. She has two kids, four grandchildren, and one great-grandchild. She still has friends that are living that she spends time with and she has an older brother and sister still around.
I have assured her, as has my sister and father, that treatment is her choice. That we will support her in whatever she chooses. That she has a right to have her remaining days be about a quality and enjoyment of life.
I think that’s all any of us ask is that our life can be filled with more joy than pain.
(photo of me and my mom, circa 1969)
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Chicken Soup for the Puny
Posted on 27. Mar, 2010 by Deb.
I went to bed last night with a sore throat and woke up with a worse sore throat. Today then seems like a good day to make some homemade soup. Instead of simply throwing everything in the crockpot, I decided it was the day for sauteing and simmering.
I needed fresh veggies…and an amazing ways to bring out the flavor is to saute them in olive oil. I chopped garlic, onions, green onions, carrot, a turnip, potatoes, and cabbage. Saute in olive oil. Next came fresh chicken and lots of sodium reduced chicken broth. Kosher Salt. And fresh ground pepper. After several hours, I added brown rice.
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Spring Time
Posted on 26. Mar, 2010 by Deb.
The office windows are open today and the breeze is crisp. The navy curtains are gently blowing and the cat is alternating between sitting against the screens and letting the smells tickle his little pink nose while the wind caress whiskers and sitting on my desk. There is a magical quality to spring that makes me want to sing arias to the flowers and lay on the freshly mowed lawn.
I haven’t yet ventured out to find bluebonnets, but I will in the next couple of weeks. It’s early still. (The photo above was taken in the Spring of 2004). I will be venturing to other favorite cities (and maybe a new city or two) for work responsibilities and am planning to pad at least the first trip by a day so that I can enjoy the beauty of Mother Nature in the spring.
I hope that wherever you are. And whatever you are doing today. That you take a few moments to appreciate the gloriousness around you and to be thankful for the abundances you are blessed with.
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Wordless Wednesday: Cherry Blossoms
Posted on 24. Mar, 2010 by Deb.
Cherry Blossoms, April 2008.
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My Mother
Posted on 20. Mar, 2010 by Deb.
Today I realized that I have been twittering about being at the hospital, but I haven’t put the pieces together for those who aren’t cursed (blessed?) with me having their phone number programmed into my handy-dandy droid.
Last week, my mother went to the ER last Thursday (March 11th) because she had a shortness of breath and was pretty sure she had pneumonia (again). She has previously been diagnosed with emphysema as well as COPD. She last had pneumonia in early December and her doctor asked her to come back after the first of the year to get a CT scan – she didn’t go. After reviewing the X-Rays, the doctors told her that there was a very large mass in her lungs. They had compared her X-Rays to those taken at the same hospital in late 2008.
By Saturday, the doctors concluded that it was cancerous, though a biopsy would be required for an “official” diagnosis. A biopsy was scheduled for Monday and on Monday, she had a panic attack, so the biopsy was done on Tuesday. On Wednesday, we were told it was officially Cancer and either a 3 or a 4. She has had a complication with the procedures being done. As a result of the biopsy, a pneumothorax developed (basically an air pocket in the chest cavity outside the lung) and she has had fluid build-up. She was in ICU on Wednesday, and then they drained the fluid and did a bone scan. On Thursday, she was moved to a regular room again.
Cancer was diagnosed as a 3b, bordering on 4. Oncology wants to treat with a combination of radiation with chemo. In order for treatment to begin, she has to be stabilized with her breathing. More fluid had built up in the short time since the drain and the Pulmonary doctor wants to put in a small catheter that will allow her (or us) to drain it for her. This was scheduled for Monday.
Friday was her worst night – even worse than when she came into the hospital.
Today she was moved back to ICU. The Pneumothorax that had stabilized yesterday grew substantially overnight. Her right lung was in danger of collapsing as the bulk of her chest cavity was filling with air outside her lungs and the pressure had to be relived, so a chest tube was inserted by the Pulmonary doc today. And she will be in ICU until Monday. The chest tube is painful, so today she has been put on morphine, too.
On Monday, the doctor will decide if the tube can be removed and when the catheter (drain) can be installed. The theory is that the fluid a by-product of the tumor, but they don’t know for sure.
We are in a perpetual cycle. The tumor needs to be reduced as soon as possible, so the oncologists want her to start radiation as early as possible, preferably next week. However, if she cannot breathe due to fluid buildup, she can’t tolerate treatment.
She doesn’t want to be at the hospital by herself. We are all spending as much time as we can up there, but we are all getting a little weary. And she is exhausted.
And on that note, I am heading to bed. Sweet Dreams…
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Saturday Songs
Posted on 06. Mar, 2010 by Deb.
Kid played this song in the car today, so I thought I would share…
It’s been a good Saturday. The weather was really beautiful, though we are expecting some rain later tonight or tomorrow. I’m hoping the rain holds off for Mass tomorrow.
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On The Beginning of Lent
Posted on 17. Feb, 2010 by Deb.
Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the Season of Lent.
Though I have quietly observed the Season of Lent the past two years, today is the first time in several years that I have attended Mass on Ash Wednesday. When I am at home, I usually attend mass with the Carmelite Nuns. Today, however, I journeyed a bit north and attended service at St. Maria Goretti Catholic Church in Arlington.
It was at St. Maria Goretti that I attended the RCIA classes and officially converted to Catholicism back in 1990. I left the Parish in 1997 after a disagreement with the Pastor over what constituted the proper “mold” a child should fit within in order to receive a Catholic Education. I could not, in good conscious, give my time and money to a church that felt children should fit certain molds, as we are all God’s Children.
When walking into the sanctuary today, I felt a wave of peace come over me. All the things I love about the Catholic Church – the ritual, the tradition, the comfort found in the Order of the Mass were surrounding me in this beautiful building. And I could feel it radiating from the people in the church today, most of which was an elderly crowd of cradle Catholics. I was glad that I had arrived early, so that I could take some time to kneel and say silent prayers. The Homily was short, but sweet and the priest spoke about how the Lenten Season is not simply about sacrifice, but is actually a joyous season. And I lingered after the completion of the Liturgy of the Word, the Distribution of Ashes, and Communion.
Afterwards, a stranger asked me at a store if I realized there was something on my forehead. I explained that today was Ash Wednesday. Something clicked for her and she asked “So what did you give up for Lent?”
I know that traditionally, a person should give up something they love for Lent. Many people give up favorite snacks. The Priest said he told the Junior High kids in the previous Mass that they should give up texting. 
I have decided the last couple of years to embrace Lent in a different way and enrich my spiritual life. Last year, I took up mediation and abstained from eating meat on Fridays from the beginning of Lent until the beginning of Advent.
So, what was my answer to the stranger?
“Finding my Faith again.”
I have to say, she was a bit taken aback. But the clerk who overheard this conversation quietly told me as I paid for my purchase, “Good luck with your Lent Thing.”
Each year, instead of choosing a New Year’s Resolution, I have chosen words in which to guide me. I haven’t publicly shared my 2010 words yet, but my main word for this year is just that: Faith. Faith encompasses something beyond a belief in God. My belief that God exists has not changed nor has the core of that belief been shaken in any way. Other areas of Faith, however, are shaky. My Faith that people are truly good and kind. My Faith in the laws of karma. My Faith that in the long run of things, everything will work out in the way it should, and in the proper time, not in MY time. And most of all, the Faith I need to have in myself. That I am worthy.
In many long discussions with my dear friend Lee over the choice of my 2010 word, she suggested that maybe one word was all I needed this year. I usually add a complementary couple of words to spice things up and I’m still debating that issue. If I do choose two more words, one of those will be Gratitude and the other shall be Hope, but the jury is still out to be honest. I do know that it’s time to begin to keep a Gratitude Journal once again, even if it’s just for the period between now and Easter.
Though it is only 9 PM, it has been a long day. Time for a little bit of reading and a warm bed.
Sweet Dreams.
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The Happiness Project: Beginning January
Posted on 01. Jan, 2010 by Deb.
When Harper Collins offered me a copy of Gretchen Rubin’s “The Happiness Project” to review, I said “Yes“. I mean, who wouldn’t want to read a book about happiness? When the book arrived, I realized that I was familiar with Gretchen’s work in the form of The Happiness Toolbox, which my friend Lee has suggested. Which I thought was a good idea, but, of course, didn’t do. I just looked at it.
The book is more attractive to me than the toolbox because no matter how much I love the web, I LOVE books. The book is laid out in a monthly format. I can process it in a manner truly conducive to learning – in small, management tasks rather than trying to “eat an entire elephant”.
Each month, I’ll tell you a little about what area of life I’m focusing on….and during the month, make a post over at the ATG Blog as well.
So let’s talk about January. In January, the focus is “Vitality”. Boost Energy by doing things like: going to bed earlier; exercising better; toss, restore, organize; tackle a nagging task and act more energetic. Gretchen talks about tackling not just physical energy, but the mental aspects of energy as well. Physical energy begins with a good night’s sleep…I’m wondering if it’s truly possible to get to bed early? We shall see.
For those of you reading along with me that want to try to journey along on the Happiness Project with me, The Happiness Toolbox is great. Or pick up the book. As I mentioned, I LOVE books and being able to hold it in my hands.
I am finding it hard to believe that it’s 2010. I know usually by this point, I have introduced my focus for the year in the form of my January column for All Things Girl….that will gel over the next few weeks.
Speaking of All Things Girl, be sure and check out the January issue with cover girl Amanda Palmer!
Happy New Year. May 2010 bring you love, joy, and happiness
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On this Christmas Eve
Posted on 24. Dec, 2009 by Deb.
I’d like to share with you my favorite Christmas story:
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
This is the Nativity story, Luke, Chapter 2, Verses 1 to 14, King James Version
Yes, I am Catholic (though more Spiritual than died-in-the-wool Catholic). But I grew up Baptist and the language of the King James Version of The Bible is the Bible of my childhood and is so beautiful.
I wish each of you, no matter your beliefs this time of year, a Peaceful and Joyful holiday season. May you be surrounded in love.
(The painting is The Adoration of the Christ Child by Domenico di Zanobi and is from the Philadelphia Museum of Art)
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A Day That Will Live in Infamy
Posted on 07. Dec, 2009 by Deb.
In honor of those who lost their lives sixty-eight years ago today, images from last year’s rehearsals for the Pearl Harbor Memorial Ceremony at the Navy Memorial in Washington DC…as well as a portion of Franklin D Roosevelt’s speech to congress the day after the attack in 1941.
Yesterday, December 7, 1941—a date which will live in infamy—the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.
The United States was at peace with that nation, and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific. Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing in the American island of Oahu, the Japanese ambassador to the United States and his colleague delivered to our secretary of state a formal reply to a recent American message. While this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or armed attack.
It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time the Japanese government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.
The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. I regret to tell you that very many American lives have been lost. In addition, American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu.
May we never forget.
(photos are mine, taken December 7, 2008, Washington DC)
PS – for a personal memory from a WWII Vet I met last year, read about Dave.
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T-Rex had a Mini-Me
Posted on 17. Sep, 2009 by Deb.
Tyrannosaurus rex — the most fearsome predator ever to trod the Earth — had a pint-size precursor, remarkably similar in appearance but no heavier than a human being, according to a new report from a team of scientists. The creature was what Austin Powers might call T. rex’s Mini-Me.
via Smuggled Dinosaur Fossil Scrambles Picture of Tyrannosaurus Rex – washingtonpost.com.
I believe I read recently that the fossils that had been smuggled out of China were being returned to the Chinese Government. But this is fascinating. As the article states, the fossil was sold to a private collector and may have come from inner Mongolia.
This kind of news really brings out the kid in me. And it makes me want to travel to places like China….
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Making Friends
Posted on 17. Sep, 2009 by Deb.
Greta, the Bouvier des Flanders, is nine years old. In May, we added Tommy, a two-year old tabby to our household. It took some time, and some posturing, but it’s obvious these two creatures have started becoming friends. This little (interrupted) nap together is just a sign that they aren’t just co-existing!
They both bring me such joy and it thrills me to know that they are both healthy and happy.