and Sprinkles on Top

of Growth and Progression

Posted on 21. Feb, 2009 by Deb in A Little More Focused, The Girl

I usually hold my thoughts on focus, publicly, for  All Things Girl, but this week I find it spilling out of me.    My column for February,  about what’s inside this heart of mine and remembering to follow it.  It’s the extension of two of my words from last year – passion and courage.    Especially courage.  Being able to look inside your own heart takes a bit of bravery and to follow it takes even more courage. My word of “Constructive” has played a huge role in my life these past couple of weeks.   In dealing with issues with the kids, for example, as well as my ex-husband’s behavior.  And when it comes to my personal life.

Several months ago I had decided that the relationship with The Pilot Guy was not working.  That decision came for me in October.  He did ask me to give him an opportunity again around Christmas, which I gave to him early last month.  All it did was confirm that I made the right decision.  He is my friend, of course, but it didn’t feel right for where I am in what I want in life right now.   I was honest with him about how I felt.  I believe that honesty is important as long as it’s done in a way that isn’t hurtful.  After the plane crash in Buffalo, I knew that I would be hearing from him.  Part of his job is to handle the investigation on some plane crashes.  Sure enough, the day after, I heard from him and told him to be safe and take care of himself.  Plane crash investigations are never easy.   But then he called one morning this week.  I guess he needed a voice of  comfort after dealing with so much death.  I was more than happy to talk with him, despite the early hour.  Yesterday, however, he crossed the boundaries of where things stood, and I had to be a little more brutal with my honesty.  I like straightforwardness but I dislike being brutal.   It doesn’t sit well in my belief of the laws of karma, as I wish to be dealt with honestly but gently.

A year ago, I probably would have caved and told him I’d do what I could.  Now?  I couldn’t in good conscious because I know, through giving it several chances, it isn’t right for me and allowing him to believe that the passage of time is a cure-all isn’t the right thing to do if I follow my heart.  So, instead, I chose to be constructive.    I think this is just one example of where I am seeing my own growth though, which tells me the work I have done to become more disciplined is effective. When I sit down to write my column, it isn’t something that is done by the seat of my pants, but something that I thought hard over – especially my January columns as I put into words that I have decided my focus for the year will be. I think that everyone has within them the ability for growth if they so desire, and I personally learn something new most days.   Just because we can grow, doesn’t mean that it’s easy.    However, I do find that when I am true to myself, the harder lessons are easier.

Hard or easy, lessons are not all painful.   Growth and my ability to be patient are giving me many blessings.   This week has had many blessings.  I’ve had the youngest with me all week, which has been a joy despite her being sick.  I am finding a little more confidence in parts of myself.   I am also finding a hunger to learn more.

I think living constructive was a fabulous choice for 2009.

Tags: Constructive, Courage, Heart, Passion