I’m standing here outside your door….
Posted on 03. Nov, 2008 by Deb in Just...Boys, On a Jet Plane, Paying the Bills, The Girl
I’m sitting in the Admiral’s Club at DFW airport waiting to board a flight. Sometimes, I get totally into the groove of travel and then, at other times, the groove is harder to find. Today is one of those days where the groove is a tad harder to find – maybe because I’ve been basically home for the last week.
Last night, I had these moments where I was ready to hop on a plane and get away immediately. It’s that flight-or-fight instinct and my instinct, after a long discussion with the oldest kid, was to stop fighting and just walk away for a bit to get my thoughts together. Teenagers are incredibly frustrating and infuriating at times, aren’t they? After a good sleep and some chatting wtih both Melissa and Lee on the issue, I am feeling a bit better on the discussion, but last night, yes - I was ready to go.
I honestly don’t remember being infuriating for my parents when I was a teen. Then again, I wasn’t your average teen. I was just as driven and busy then as I am now. These kids today don’t know how lucky they are (now I’m channeling my grandmother). Seriously. I maintained an A+ average, went to school full time, worked almost full time, participated in Student Counsel, Choir and Theatre. All I ask is that she do her work at school and make good grades.
Tonight is different. I’m ready to go – I miss DC. But I am also tired – and for the first time in ages, I am looking forward to being on a flight so I can take a nap. It’s ok when you nap on planes – napping at home isn’t always acceptable. Then again, the time change could have something to do with the fact that I am thinking about SLEEP when it’s only 6 PM Central (7 PM Eastern) – but since my body tends to stay on Eastern time, to my body, it’s really 8 PM. Right?
I’ve been thinking (again) about that elusive thing called balance.
Work seems to be what takes the bulk of my time – and I”m happy to give everything I have to it. I’m proud of my business and where I am in my career. But then, on afternoons like yesterday, when the kids were busy with their friends, I was home with nothing to do. Well, except write a little, which I did. But it still wasn’t “quality time”. Don’t get my wrong, I’d rather be alone and a little lonely – spending quality time with myself – than I would want to be killing time in a relationship that isn’t right. I think I’m just wishing that those relationships that are good just don’t get enough time spent on them. I honestly don’t know what the answer is for me except to continue on doing things the way I’m doing them. (as I wrote about in the July issue of All Things Girl). Work IS important to me. And most men, while understanding the work part honestly don’t understand the full extent mine is in my life. Working for yourself is incredibly fulfilling, but it also takes that level of committment.
I wonder, to be flat out honest, if I am cut out for a traditional relationship. When it boils down to it, the gypsy-soul side of my personality can make me a difficult partner in a relationship. Unless, that is, you like gypsies.
But I digress.
I’m heading back into DC to use my audit skills as I do a pre-assessment audit. I’m tired now and not quite in the groove, but I know myself well. Once the plane is coming in over DC…and we pass the Washington Monument….and then, as I drive from the airport to the hotel, I pass the Lincoln Memorial all lit up with the moon shining down on Old Abe, I’ll feel at peace and know that I am home. At least for the week….at least, until I get the urge to grab my bags and explore again….
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go