and Sprinkles on Top

Ghosts of Relationships Past

Posted on 12. Nov, 2008 by Deb in The Girl

Maybe it’s the full moon, but for some reason, old friends are coming back into my life  in the last couple of weeks.  Not just old friends, but old colleagues I haven’t heard from in ages and, well, old lovers if I were to be downright honest.  Which, in this space, I want to be brutally, if not vulnerably, honest.     I’ve heard from several folks I hadn’t heard from in ages.  Now, I’m just not the kind of person who holds grudges.  I’m long a believer that sometimes the best friends you can have are those who have seen you vulnerable – and sometimes, in your past, you just happened to have a sexual and/or emotional relationship.

None of the contacts have been of a sexual nature but from a friendly approach – how are you, what are you up to, what projects are you working on, can we make our paths cross so that we can have dinner – gestures of friends…of kindness and of laughter shared. But it makes me wonder – why me – why now?  Is it the full moon?  Something in the water? Maybe it’s the upcoming holidays?  Maybe a rough patch in their lives and they simply need someone to talk with…someone they know won’t judge them?

I doubt that it is my sparkling personality. Maybe it’s simply that people who have seen me when I have been vulnerable know that no matter what has happened between us in the past, I still care.  I forgive easily and though I don’t always forget, I do try.  Life, you see, is short – and I don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to learn something new about myself.  And I don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to share kindness with someone that I (have) loved.

I love easy, by the way.  I think it’s a gift you can give to others and to withhold it is harming yourself.  “In love” is different and I fully recognize that gem and that differences.  I may love easily, but falling in love is a whole ‘nother thing that I don’t do easily.

In some ways, work has slowed to a very manageable pace.   I am beginning to open back up a little…I tend to become quite withdrawn when I am stressed and overworked – as if my mind and emotions are simply full up and I close parts of things down.  Not that my world is all peachy and flowery – there are some things going on with my oldest that is quite stressful, but that is being worked on. I have faith.

I know that the lessons we learn in our lives are meant to teach us – about life, about how to cope, about how to be better or how to let go.  Relationships with people are often the way in which we learn those lessons.  At times, we are haunted by the ghosts of our relationships past – kind of like in A Christmas Carol.  Sometimes, it’s simply a memory or a flash of a Ghost of a Relationship Past that pops in, to poke you into being the bigger person and being the first to make contact.  Do the appearance of these apparitions means I need to learn something?  Or, instead, am I supposed to teach them something…about forgiveness and loving kindness?

I try never to be one of those people who lives in the past, but I recognize that without our pasts – and without the ability to be honest about the ups and downs of our past – are we able to truly live in the present.  Maybe the Ghosts simply want to be Ghosts of Relationship Present and Future…..

Well, on that note, I think it’s time for bed….but what about you?  what do you think?  What do you think about Ghosts?

Tags: Dating, Faith, Forgiveness, Love, Relationships, The Pilot Guy