Archive for 'Just…Writing'
Out of the Habit and Inspiration
Posted on 31. Jan, 2009 by Deb.
I almost feel like I am out of the habit of so many of my previously “regular” routine things.
Right this moment, I am mainly thinking about the whole “getting ready” thing. From April until December, I was spending 60+ hours a week with my clients, so having a down day to just bum around was rare. There were many Saturdays and/or Sundays that I still worked. Since I’ve been working from home so much lately, I have forgone dressing up in any ways. It’s not like I hang out in my jammies all the time, but I do tend to dress down, forgo jewelry and skip make-up. Well, except for Mondays when I go to school.
After spending until almost noon (crazy!) in my jammies today, I thought it would be nice of me to actually put make-up beyond lip gloss on, especially since the youngest is entertaining a friend tonight. A boy, by the way, who she insists is just a friend, but all the same, it’s a boy. But I digress. Anyhoo, since there would be other parents coming by for the drop off / pick up, I actually got fully dressed, as if I were going to dinner with a friend, not just hanging out on a Saturday night supervising the dog and two teenage friends.
And since I have been all the way dressed (ya know, jeans, shirt, matching shoes, earrings, make-up, etc) I have gotten so much done. My floundering column solidified for me. The rest of the pieces that needed editing for All Things Girl got edited. Updates I needed to make on the administrative side of ATG was done, I settled in on this design here for the blog, and I’m in a better mood than I have been in for DAYS.
I think it’s my sign that even if I’m not working face-to-face with my clients, it’s ok to wear something beyond very casual and putting on my make-up needs to be back into my regular habit (despite the fact my skin has appreciated the break). I am missing working face to face with my clients, though, if I were to be completely honest. I think my batteries have finally been recharged and I’m ready for more…
By the way, if you need a favor or want something, today is the day to ask. Because I will probably say “sure!”. Actually, I would probably say ‘sure’ to you if it was within my abilities. But today, I would say it with absolute sincerity and not just because I like you.
I also got a really long email from a girlfriend of mine who lives in Santa Fe. She spent a couple of weeks in Africa for an extended vacation and came back with a new desire to dig into her own creativity. She asked me if I could help her, and I am reminded that signs are all around us if we will see them. I had just finished my column for ATG (live tomorrow) but it’s about what’s in your heart. And there, right in front of me, were her words asking me if I could help her figure out what is inside her’s.
For months, I have been toying with the idea of exploring another side of my personality – my desire to help other people and my hopes that people that I care about are living in a way that fulfills them. Since she asked if I would help, and I want to see if I can take a passion that I have and flip it into a branch of my business, I believe we are going to embark on an adventure of sorts for me to try my hand out at some guiding while she digs in, explores her creativity, and figures out where her passions really lie. She can be my guinea pig 
I find, to be honest, that working with creative people makes me more creative. I know her and she is inspirational to me anyway simply because she loves life so much. It will be a joy. I think we all need to spend time with people who bring us joy.
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Quiet Sunday
Posted on 23. Nov, 2008 by Deb.
I still have one old-fashioned clock. You know the kind I mean. It has big numbers, runs on a battery, and has not only a minute hand and hour hand, but also a second hand. The second hand actually clicks as the moments edge to the next minute. The clock lives in my office, and when I think about it I realize it has lived in various offices – both corporate and home offices – for the past fourteen years or more. When I walked into my office this morning, fresh cup of coffee in hand and a list of want to do’s and need to do’s floating around in my head, all I could hear in the house was the ticking.
Oldest kid is at a friend’s this weekend. Youngest kid is at her dad’s. The dog is sleeping in her new favorite spot, holding up the fireplace. A girlfriend came over (at the last minute) for dinner last night, but left around 11. I was able to wake on my own, fix myself breakfast, and now have time to enjoy the sheer volume of quiet and the tick-tick-ticking of the clock.
When I was younger, I tended to like to study or write with background noise. The TV was always on or a radio was softly seeping out the top-40 tunes. When the kids were little, there was always noise of some sort. After the divorce, the silent was almost suffocating. The first weekend the kids went to my ex-husbands and I was left completely alone, I had a desperate need for noise of some sort. The first purchase I made was a small, inexpensive TV for my bedroom. I slept with it on when I was alone in the house, but after a few weekends of that, I found the quiet welcoming. I suddenly found that the only way I could really write was with the blessings of quiet as I had learned that quiet was not really a burden of my spirit, but a way to allow my soul to have the space to think and ponder what was happening.
The last couple of years of heavy travel – and especially the last six months – I was able to find some peace, but rarely. Hotels, no matter how posh, are never silent. And if I am to be honest, home was rarely a space to where I felt as if my spirit could relax enough to paw through the things in my mind as I attempted to get them out of my head and into my computer. Mainly, because, it felt as if I were simply a visitor.
Though a little eerie in some ways, the quiet is actually comforting and for the first time in awhile, home feels comfortable enough to wander through all the thoughts in my head.
It looks as if my business will be changing a bit as this project that has been my life for the last seven months rolls to a conclusion. I need to take a hard look at my marketing materials. I have yet to add a photo to my business web site (there are two below I am considering – which one do you like best??). I also know that the website isn’t as up-to-date as it needs to be, and if possible, I’d like to update that this week. Offers are now being accepted input
My coffee has emptied now. It’s time to either switch to water, or make a fresh pot. I have alot of writing I want – and need – to do. My column for December for All Things Girl as well as a new piece for Pink Nighties, which I need to get back off of dead-center. There is also a new offshoot of my business I have been rolling around in my head for the last month or so. Today will likely be a day of more posts – either here or at one of the other blogs I write at – as well as a day to allow the quiet to last as long as it possibly can.
I hope today is a day that is giving you the quiet – or noise – that you need.
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One Year Later
Posted on 01. Nov, 2008 by Deb.
It was about a year ago that I started blogging again. I joined the NaBloPoMo to kick myself into gear and I see that it is going on again this year. But I don’t think I will officially join.
In looking back at my entries from this time last year, I realized I had done a pretty good job at getting back to the roots of blogging for me – which was a basic journaling activity that got me to write – although publicly – about what was going on in my life. I was good that month – and did blog consistently for quite awhile.
I was re-reading a book (Note to Self: On Keeping a Journal and Other Dangerous Pursuits) – a book I reviewed at ATG in August. I forgot how much I missed simply writing about what is going on. My life isn’t the stuff of movies, but overall, my life is active – and often very humorous. Hey. we all need humor.
I also think it’s important to actually LIVE life….so, about my day… (more…)
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shifting
Posted on 09. Aug, 2008 by Deb.
I have written about it before, but switching back and forth between my creative and logical sides isn’t something that is as easy as it once was.
I wonder if it’s age? As we age, do we get some much in our heads that we are unable to muddle through it clearly? My mind is like a steel trap when I am in my logical brain, and I remember facts, people, places etc. Moving back to the creative mind set is much more difficult, because it means I have to turn my logical mind off for a bit….and embrace feelings.
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To Be or Not To Be: That is the Question
Posted on 04. Aug, 2008 by Deb.
Even though I haven’t written here in ages, in some ways I still see myself as a blogger. A part of me misses the daily chatter I used to do, and not because of people reading what I wrote, but because it helped me keep my head straight as to where I was mentally and kept me on the task of writing to hone my craft. Knowing that friends (and others) were reading just encouraged me to continue to write on a regular basis.
Some folks I met through my blog, by the way, have remained close friends for years – closer in ways than some of the folks I grew up with.
But then, parts of my life began to change, habits change, needs change. I still needed to write, but the information out there needed to balance pieces of my life and the impending divorce, career changes, etc stilted the free flow of information. I became fearful.
Then, I got over it, got back to myself and tried to find my own writing voice again. I was getting there, too, until I had this huge “invasion of privacy” feeling due to the excessive searches on my name. I began to examine each and every word I wrote – and had written. Some of the searches were a competitor (frustrating but understandable) – others were clients (understandable).
But I wrote less. It was back to the fear….Fear is one of the hardest emotions to get around. I missed writing, but other things became priority. I allowed other things to become a priority.
Then, when reviewing my site referrals, I came across this:
Seriously?
It creeped me out.
I am this incredibly open minded and open person. I write snippets about the (very little) dating I do but I don’t talk specifics. Yes, I started a new ezine that is a little more open on the subject. But who is searching to find informaton about me that is that specific? It isn’t from a competitor consultant, those searches were all out of the Virginia area. It’s not a client, because I don’t have any active clients in Texas right now.
If it is something someone is so curious about they need to SEARCH for it….then why don’t you EMAIL me? Leave a comment? Be upfront and honest – I certainly am pretty damned open…
My best writing tends to be open. Nakedly honest. That is my writing voice.
I want to hone my craft, I want to be able to write daily and regularly. I want to be able to say that I love the hotel I stayed at last week, even though I am living out of a suitcase. I want to talk about the incredibly cute little boy on the Metro last week who flirted with half the women there. I want to be able to say that my feelings for someone scare me, but I am staying in the relationship. I want to say I’m excited that the LA Times Book Blog picked up and linked to my interview with George Pelecanos.
Can I be myself, here, though? Can I be open. Can I stand naked here? Can I get over the fear of what people think? Is it pollyannaish of me to want to be liked and appreciated for who I am?
To be (a blogger) or not be (a blogger)?
It’s the question, but the true question is: what is the answer?
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Long time, no see
Posted on 12. Jul, 2008 by Deb.
it’s been ages – or feels like ages – since I’ve written here. I’ve been having one of those creative and private slumps where all I am seeing to do is work, and sleep and go back and forth to work and the hotel. And at times, I am content like that. (see my column at All Things Girl) I Twitter when I can (and have attempted to feed some of my twitters into this but I can’t get that email to post thing to work at all). I have been blogging over at the ATG Blog (though nothing truly substantial – mostly fluff – though sometimes, we all like fluff)
I did actually write a complete short story, though it would need a ton of polish in order to publish it anywhere. It starts well, but the end is too rushed – and because I wrote the beginning of it in June -and the end this week, it’s disjointed. I said write, by the way…not polish or edit – LOL. I have shared the story, though, since it was based on an event….I shared it with the other person involved. The Pilot Guy. Who is trying to help me by giving me some deadlines on a couple of pieces I’m working on.
I am going to see The Pilot Guy tomorrow, by the way – between home and back to DC. No expectations…we will simply see how it goes.
Kid has been with me this week in DC – and I hired this amazing girl (i say girl – she’s 24 – that’s a girl to me) to be with her and take her places during the day while I worked. She loved it, saw more of DC – or pieces of DC – that I likely wouldn’t had (think lots of modern art) – but we did the things I love the most – like the walk from the Washington Monument to my favorite – Lincoln. I love Lincoln and the walk is just lovely. Last night, though, she told me she was dreading going home – not because she isn’t ready to leave DC, but because she is dreading having “quality time” with her dad – she is wanting to just be alone a bit. I do understand that since I have become quite accustomed to alone time – as has she with her dad at work and her step mom at work or traveling.
My health is on my subconscious a lot these past few weeks and I am failing miserably at doing anything that is affecting it much. I have gotten incredibly out of shape. Earlier this month, I had gone back to my OB/GYN (though I only use him for the GYN side) to get my shot, but to also get my bloodpressure checked. I had been in the previous month for a shot, and the nurse checked my vitals and stressed out on me. I blew it off to me forgetting to take my meds about half the time, but agreed to see my Dr. when I came back.
Fast forward to last week. See, after 2 weeks of religious taking of my blood pressure meds, my blood pressure was 154/120 – on a non-stressful day in which I had been shopping and only had a conference call. My doc told me that this was above his head because what we had tried wasn’t working. He gave me new meds to try for a couple of weeks and I have an appointment with my Internist next Friday. We are getting into the more serious BP meds now. I have not at all been successful in adding exercise back to my daily routine – the gym here at the hotel is depressing and the pool is unswimmable – it’s 3 feet deep and about 6 strokes long. So, I think I am going to have to just join a real gym up here….and change my routines – to up early, and the gym, then to work. There is a gym near my office as well as a nice one right on the metro…. BUT this will affect the only consistently decent meal I am fitting into my schedule, which is breakfast. My defenses seem to be down come lunch and dinner time. And working out in the evenings has never been something I have done successfully – my experience has shown me that mornings get me going, make me work out harder, and not tire me out.
And there you have it – way too much rambling, but at least I’m rambling instead of nothing.
It’s Saturday – please have a lovely day.
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All Things Girl: Spice of Life
Posted on 01. Jul, 2008 by Deb.
If you haven’t visited….the July/August issue of All Things Girl is LIVE!!
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Scratch That
Posted on 24. Apr, 2008 by Deb.
Well, this is no longer a writing week. I had one day where I was able to spend more than a few stolen moments writing, so I can’t exactly call that dedicated writing time.
I agreed to a new consulting contract yesterday. The rates are inline with what I wanted for PM type work, so I was thrilled. To top it off, it’s going to be a real challenge. I thrive on challenge, so that makes me super excited. I am actually beginning today on the work.
Otherwise, I’m just so thrilled to be in the DC area. I love it here and it always comes back to me when I see the Washington Monument, the Capitol or the Masonic Temple in Alexandria. Even if I am working and can only look at them from afar, I still know that the city is out there….and at night, I can still….breathe in in….
Have a fabulous Thursday!!
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Frustration and Head Space
Posted on 22. Apr, 2008 by Deb.
I had some frustrating moments today, when I was just wanting to run away and be alone. And other moments when I wanted to get away from my own self, and just veg….
I didn’t do my brain dumping exercise yet, but plunged into some things for ATG….then we went to lunch and to walk around Cost-Co.
Now I am back and settled into a leather chair by the window – the sun is shining and the evening traffic below is beginning to pick up a bit. And suddenly, it hit me that I wanted to work on a piece I had been composing in my head for a couple of weeks.
It feels so good to have the thoughts flowing…..I know I should be writing, but I had to share.
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Head Space
Posted on 22. Apr, 2008 by Deb.
I am curious to see if I can begin to tune things out today and truly get into my writing headspace. Work tends to be on my mind as does the list of projects I have going and want to complete, and I am thinking I need to buckle down and do a brain dump, something I haven’t done in ages.
For now, though, I am at a friends and due to the schedule changes that I made for work, it means I am not away from the world and at a cabin alone. Instead, I am in a condo with a constant dribble of MSNBC or CNN in the background on a primary day. I may retreat into another room after breakfast.
but it isn’t the distractions around me taking the bulk of my headspace, it is truly more the volume of things. I have always been good at multi-tasking with bits of focus here and there when I need it, and I can do that when it comes to some of my work, however, it is harder to do when it comes to getting involved in my writing.
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writing week: day 1
Posted on 21. Apr, 2008 by Deb.
I haven’t exactly written anything today, my mind is still going 90 to nothing and jumping topics. It’s Writer’s Block in some ways, but not quite the same. I can’t focus long enough to write much more than a sentence today. I think because I am tired….since I didn’t go to bed until after Midnight and was up at 3:30 this morning. Combine that with the desire for pancakes, and I am running short on sleep overall. I dozed on the flight, but obviously 30 minutes of a nap doesn’t quite make up for two nights of under 4 hours of sleep.
I have faith, though, that tomorrow will be different. After all, tomorrow IS another day.
I am from the South…. channeling Scarlett O’Hara is 2nd Nature.
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Morning Travels
Posted on 21. Apr, 2008 by Deb.
I am waiting for my flight to board. I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve done an early morning flight like this… I had a car service pick me up this morning…..4:30 AM….my plans for the week have changed slightly, though. This was supposed to be a week where I hid out at a friend’s cabin and did nothing but think and write.
But.
I potential new client needs some help on a project and I have a meeting now in the middle of the week in DC. Which is good, because work always comes first. I just hope I can focus the rest of the week and get some writing done when I really just wanna….relax.
I forget how full these early Monday flights are to the East coast. There are 23 folks on the upgrade list this morning – including me. First 2+ hour flight in six months I haven’t gotten my upgrade, but I’ll live. Watching others trying to talk the gate agent into upgrading them, when they are 11th or 20th on the list has been very amusing. I’m number 3, but I don’t think I’m gonna make it, but the entertainment factor has been well worth it. I am often amazed at the attitudes of travelers who demand they be treated better than everyone else.
It looks to be a good week weather wise, a little rain today but nice the rest of the week. I’m hoping for inspiration…..
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A Truly GREAT Day!
Posted on 18. Apr, 2008 by Deb.
Today I attended the 66th Annual Doolittle Raider’s Luncheon, which was held at the Cavanaugh Flight Museum. Of the 80 men who made the first WWII strike on Japan’s homeland, 11 of the gents are still alive and 6 of the men were there today.
At my table were Col. Jimmy Doolittle III, Jimmy Doolittle’s Grandson, who served in the Air Force for his entire career beginning in 1967, the son of David Thatcher, a couple of folks from University of Texas at Dallas, where General Doolittle’s Medal of Honor is on display, and my new friend, Jerry. Jerry is a WWII Veteran who served on a small carrier and was part of the last raid on Japan as a gunner.
I adopted Jerry for the day, helping him get signatures of all the raiders. Jerry was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross by the way…..I got his contact info and owe him some of these pictures. I also want to spend some time chatting with him about his experiences.
Speaking of experiences, I also got contact info from a couple of other WWII vets.
Gov. Rick Perry was a speaker there. I wasn’t expecting that….He was shaking hands and practically kissing babies. He is the son of a B17 Pilot…. He announced his intention to run for a third term by the way.
There is something about this generation of men, by the way, that I adore. Not the Governor, though it was an honor to meet the Governor of Texas and shake his hand. I’m talking about how much I simply adore talking with the men that served in World War II.
This gentleman, Bill Bower, was the Pilot on plane #12….and was still so full of vim and vinegar at 91. He held my hand as he talked to me
I had really thought about backing out because as much as I enjoyed the lecture the other night, I felt out of place as it seemed as if everyone already knew everyone. But I am so glad I did go…… I feel so centered and good about where my writing plans are……
IF you know of any WWII Veteran’s who are willing to chat with me….I’d love to talk about their experiences. Please contact me (deb.smouseATgmailDOTcom)
More stories and pictures later…..
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I can tell…
Posted on 07. Apr, 2008 by Deb.
that I am beginning to get the urge to write more frequently because I am wanting to change the look on my blog.
Years ago. When I was one of those at-least-daily bloggers, the look of my website changed regularly. Back then, though, my skills were at the level of being able to do the design work myself. Now, I’m just not there.
But I am needing some new clothes here. With a wider area for posts, but still in a two column style. I’d like to be able to use a header I have created though just to personalize it. Anyone have any suggestions? And if you see something different around here, don’t be surprised if it changes the next time you visit.
I don’t know for sure if I like this – or not. But we shall try it on for size.
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Wise Words
Posted on 06. Apr, 2008 by Deb.
“Words are just words and without heart they have no meaning.”— Chinese Proverb