Archive for 'Just…Boys'
Restoring the Past
Posted on 06. May, 2010 by Deb.
When I moved blogs from my dot net to this domain, I deleted more blog posts than I imported back in. At the time, I had felt I was making the right decision as the man I was seeing was jealous of the men in my past, some of which (The Pilot Guy specifically). I went a little crazy after the initial export last year and deleted over 80% of my past posts.
Earlier this week, I ran across the WordPress file from the move and decided to take a leap of faith about lessons learned: you cannot erase the past. In fact, the events and actions of our past is what we learn from. Tonight, though I should be in bed, I imported the old posts and the only deletions I made from the import were the duplicates.
So, if you are the type to go through a persons archives, you will find some things there today that weren’t there yesterday. There is still some clean-up that needs to be done, like the restoration of some photos and the cleaning up of categories. But it feels good.
The photo, by the way, was taken on a dear friend’s back porch. On a day when I needed comfort and an escape. A part of my past – a part of my growth as a woman – a part of my evolution. Because we cannot erase the past, but we can certainly learn from it….
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So, a Confession
Posted on 24. Jan, 2009 by Deb.
So, I mentioned the other day that I had done a short stint on Match.Com. I say short because I lasted about 3 weeks, went on several coffee / drink dates, went on some regular dates, and then decided to hide my profile. I’m not opposed to dating, but when I looked at the amount of time I need to give to things that are “have tos” like kids (to school and back, doctors appointments, homework), the house (repair central), and work (which is still a passion)- and my “want tos” like my PMP school, the gym, All Things Girl, Pink Nighties, chilling out with the kids and golf – the sheer amount of time it takes is akin taking a beating. If something is productive, I will give every waking moment to it. Unproductive stuff just irritates the shit out of me.
It came down to this: would I rather play the “match” game or would I rather work on my golf game. No matter how I look at it, golf wins.
When I am playing golf, on the driving range, reading golf books, taking golf lessons, practicing my putting, practicing chipping balls onto a green or buying golf clothes I am focused and happy and content. What started as a need to get a hobby (and do something besides work) has become something I can be passionate about. No matter how badly I play, there is always one amazing drive, one laugh at my self moment, one smooth little putt. I can tune out everything stressful in my life for the 3 minutes I am standing behind a ball with a club in my hand, even if I know things will still be there when I am finished with my time with my clubs.
Today is when I knew that the instinct of golf over trying to meet new men to date was right for me at this particular moment in my life: It’s in the 30′s outside with a warm-up to the mid-40s today. I had planned on playing 9-holes today with my regular golfing partner and 18-holes tomorrow with a group of folks we hang out with (we ended up with 6 of us playing Sunday if they don’t chicken out). And I chose to go buy UnderArmour Cold Weather Gear instead of canceling. Because I enjoy it that much. It’s worth spending a little money to be comfortable and to play instead of staying home.
This is the girl who has traveled 800+ miles to have dinner with a man I was seeing even though we only had time in our long-distance-overworked lives to have form 6 PM to 9 AM to be together. I like dating and the things that come along with it. I love Golf THAT much.
It isn’t that I’m not willing to meet someone new or have a date with someone that I know already…I am just saying that when it comes to my time, Golf brings me Happiness and dealing with Match.Com was a time-suck.
So, yeah. Golf. I have never – in my entire life – been athletic enough to play a sport well til now. It really does float my boat.
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I’m standing here outside your door….
Posted on 03. Nov, 2008 by Deb.
I’m sitting in the Admiral’s Club at DFW airport waiting to board a flight. Sometimes, I get totally into the groove of travel and then, at other times, the groove is harder to find. Today is one of those days where the groove is a tad harder to find – maybe because I’ve been basically home for the last week.
Last night, I had these moments where I was ready to hop on a plane and get away immediately. It’s that flight-or-fight instinct and my instinct, after a long discussion with the oldest kid, was to stop fighting and just walk away for a bit to get my thoughts together. Teenagers are incredibly frustrating and infuriating at times, aren’t they? After a good sleep and some chatting wtih both Melissa and Lee on the issue, I am feeling a bit better on the discussion, but last night, yes - I was ready to go.
I honestly don’t remember being infuriating for my parents when I was a teen. Then again, I wasn’t your average teen. I was just as driven and busy then as I am now. These kids today don’t know how lucky they are (now I’m channeling my grandmother). Seriously. I maintained an A+ average, went to school full time, worked almost full time, participated in Student Counsel, Choir and Theatre. All I ask is that she do her work at school and make good grades.
Tonight is different. I’m ready to go – I miss DC. But I am also tired – and for the first time in ages, I am looking forward to being on a flight so I can take a nap. It’s ok when you nap on planes – napping at home isn’t always acceptable. Then again, the time change could have something to do with the fact that I am thinking about SLEEP when it’s only 6 PM Central (7 PM Eastern) – but since my body tends to stay on Eastern time, to my body, it’s really 8 PM. Right?
I’ve been thinking (again) about that elusive thing called balance.
Work seems to be what takes the bulk of my time – and I”m happy to give everything I have to it. I’m proud of my business and where I am in my career. But then, on afternoons like yesterday, when the kids were busy with their friends, I was home with nothing to do. Well, except write a little, which I did. But it still wasn’t “quality time”. Don’t get my wrong, I’d rather be alone and a little lonely – spending quality time with myself – than I would want to be killing time in a relationship that isn’t right. I think I’m just wishing that those relationships that are good just don’t get enough time spent on them. I honestly don’t know what the answer is for me except to continue on doing things the way I’m doing them. (as I wrote about in the July issue of All Things Girl). Work IS important to me. And most men, while understanding the work part honestly don’t understand the full extent mine is in my life. Working for yourself is incredibly fulfilling, but it also takes that level of committment.
I wonder, to be flat out honest, if I am cut out for a traditional relationship. When it boils down to it, the gypsy-soul side of my personality can make me a difficult partner in a relationship. Unless, that is, you like gypsies.
But I digress.
I’m heading back into DC to use my audit skills as I do a pre-assessment audit. I’m tired now and not quite in the groove, but I know myself well. Once the plane is coming in over DC…and we pass the Washington Monument….and then, as I drive from the airport to the hotel, I pass the Lincoln Memorial all lit up with the moon shining down on Old Abe, I’ll feel at peace and know that I am home. At least for the week….at least, until I get the urge to grab my bags and explore again….
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
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And from Connecticut….
Posted on 30. Oct, 2008 by Deb.
I did want to share a few of my photos. These first two are of the amazing foliage. I felt so blessed to be a part of those crisp days and glorious colors.
And this is Gillette Castle. Which, in some ways looks like Fred and Wilma should live there 
And my favorite of my photos. Mystic Seaport. My photos, by the way, don’t hold a candle to the photos my friend took.
I’m really in the mood to go back. I liked the quiet and the graceful beauty. I also found myself very comfortable…and with a gypsy soul, sometimes, it’s hard to feel comfort when you are still….
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SATC the Movie, Chocolate Chip Cookies, and Layovers
Posted on 08. Jun, 2008 by Deb.
I will confess that I have seen Sex and the City more than once. I went last weekend when I was in DC…last night, the youngest wanted to see it – and I can tell you that I know for a fact she is MY daughter because there is this one scene that made me a little teary-eyed that most people in the audience chuckled over. It made HER weepy, too. I did love all the clothes and the fabulous shoes. Yum!
I was fortunate enough to have lunch with a dear friend yesterday and we had some very yummy sushi – and she kindly gave me some homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies that were double yum. Yes, there are still some left.
The Pilot Guy had a 1 1/2 hour layover in Dallas- and since I was in town, I ended up meeting him. We made great use of the time. I have been missing him more than usual…but then again, it’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen him. I’ve gotten to the point that I do pretty good on my own….and when I start to just want to spend some time….it’s usually a sign of desiring comfort. I was thankful for just being able to get a hug and smell him, but now I am thinking greedy thoughts and am wanting
I am a little on the tired side…..but I got a nice challenge from a friend to do some writing – about anything – and not part of a blog – tonight. 500 words. i need a challenge to kick me in the butt. And I also need to stop obsessing over email, flipping channels, and looking at the mess around me, go to my office and let things flow from the tips of my fingers. My head is FULL of things and has been for ages, but I haven’t written much beyond my few little scratches here….
How has your weekend been?