I confess that if you work in the service industry, it’s possible that I will thank you and call you darlin. Or accidentally bump into you, and apologize and call you sweetie. Or honey.

I don’t mean it to be offensive.

I’m Southern.

I likely cannot see your name tag. Or have failed to remember your name when you said it earlier in the day. Because I’m horrible at names at first, though I am fabulous at remembering faces and details about you and your life that you have shared.

So forgive me. Using a term of what some would see as endearment doesn’t mean anything beyond the fact that I am thankful that you are such a kind and wonderful human being. That your politeness and caring is appreciated.

That you have been a blessing to my life in that very moment when our paths crossed that day. Life is full of stress. And you have reminded me that people are good and kind and caring.

So, Thank you, darlin.

I share this because I offended not someone that I called darlin, but my mother. Who complained that I shouldn’t after calling a nurse sweetie, a radiology tech darlin, and the gal from food services honey. The nurse and I discussed the whole “darlin, sweetie, honey” thing. But my use of those words, though offensive to my mother, the observer, were not meant to be. It’s meant as a compliment. I’m being polite.

So, please forgive me if I offend you by calling you darlin. I don’t mean to.

This whole train of thought led to the Perfect Country and Western Song playing through my head all evening, and I woke up thinking about it this morning. It’s a Monday, and the perfect song to share to lighten the mood. Please be patient with the commentary from the legendary David Allan Coe.

And thank you, sweetie. I hope you have a great day. I may not call you by your name, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate what a wonderful person you are, darlin. Life is short. You’d be surprised at the number of folks who don’t thank them for a job well done.

Be sure and be thankful for the kind souls that cross your path on this Monday, ok, honey?

Usually, the animals wake me between 5:30 and 6:30 to remind me that they are in need of food right now. Today, it was 6:05 AM. Instead of feeding everyone, keeping my eyes closed to keep the light out and surrendering to the call of my covers, I started the coffee pot and got busy. The first thing I did was strip the sheets off the bed, and with the help of Tommy the Cat, put on fresh sheets so that tonight, I will be rewarded after a long day with the sensual feel of freshly laundered Egyptian cotton.

I wish I could tell you why I was so inspired before the sun had actually risen. I have always been a morning person, true, but for the last few months, I wasn’t an early morning person. I think it’s a sign that the blues are beginning to leave me a bit. I’ve reconnected with some old friends and have made a few new web friends in the past couple of weeks. Talking with these amazing, strong, and inspirational women has helped me more than I can say. I finally wrote a column for All Things Girl after an 11-month absence. And I decided to not replace my fish.

I know that not replacing the fish that left while I was traveling may seem like something odd, but for me, it was a sign that the part of my life was over, and it was time to move on. See, the ex-boy insisted that I needed fish since they were shown to reduce blood pressure. Well, as my Cuban girlfriend, who was house-sitting for me when the fish expired put it: all they did were raise my blood pressure! (Believe me when I say that the story of their expiration is humorous…I must tell it to you soon).

Anyhoo.

Yesterday, I went through the arduous task of dismantling the 10-gallon tank, which went promptly to the curb. Then, I moved the cedar chest that was serving as a tank-stand into the spare room and out of my dining room. Later last night, my dear Cuban friend came back over and helped me further rearrange the furniture in the dining nook of my kitchen. Eliminating that bulky chest and the fish tank opened up this amazing space in there. We moved the China Cabinet and then pulled the leaf out of the kitchen table. WOW. Seriously. I never knew that those few things could make my kitchen/dining area so much more inviting. So, this morning, when I stumbled into the kitchen to feed the remaining creatures of The Menagerie, I felt as if I had the space to really breathe.

I know that Mondays come a bit too often for most of us, but today, Monday was a welcome day. A fresh start with an smorgasbord of opportunities. A day to be celebrated and embrace, instead of a day to hide myself back in the covers.

It’s a beautiful day out there. I hope you are able to find the blessings in your day. If not, maybe the lovely harmonies of The Mamas and the Papas will put your day on a better path. Love and Peace, baby!

Instead, I am up and sipping on my second cup of coffee.

I’ve fed the animals, have spent some time in mediation and have caught up on my email and the overnight Twitter feed.    I am making some mental lists of tasks to accomplish this week.   I am determined that this week will be productive.

I mentioned the WayBack machine recently, and in reviewing some almost decade-old posts, I was amazed at the sheer volume I was writing.  I was traveling this past week and though I didn’t have much time to write, I did have some quiet time to think and in questioning myself as to how I was able to be so prolific, I realized that I was doing the bulk of my writing early in the morning.    It was also a time before Social Media sights, like Twitter and Facebook.    All this thinking led me to a few points to ponder.

• When is my mind the freshest?  Mornings.  In order to accomplish this, I need to get to bed earlier and get up earlier.   My second freshest time is right before I go to bed.
• What is my true goal:  to be a better Social Media person or be a better Writer?  To be a better writer.  To take these ever-flowing, copious thoughts and put them to paper.
• What’s the point of getting up earlier if I’m going to linger?  That’s the point.  I can’t linger and surf and play.  I need to spend a dedicated 15 to 30 minutes writing.
• How can I stay caught up on things?  Discipline.  Focus.  Goal Setting.  List Making.   A trusty egg-timer.

I know I shouldn’t try to add too many habits into my days at one time if I hope for them to stick, but I believe I have a plan.

• I need to return to spending an hour on Sundays to review my schedule, updating my task list, and setting mini-goals for the week.  If you must know, I still believe in many of the habits I began when I was subscribing to the Covey methods for organization.
• I need to spend a small out of time meditating each day.
• I need to utilize my mornings better, and spend 15 to 30 minutes doing personal writing.
• I need to trade Scrubs re-runs at bedtime for another 30-minutes of writing.
• I need to turn distractions off during my writing time, including Tweetdeck and my email window.

The last several months have been more difficult than I could ever express, though I finally wrote a little in my column for All Things Girl.   Besides rebuilding my faith in myself, I also need to embrace some other principals, like courage and passion.  I am a strong woman with some solid goals. Thing is, there is only one person who  can accomplish my goals, and that is me.

I am also a smart woman and know that the best way to help myself is to also allow myself to lean on my friends.   I cannot continue to hide the good, the bad, and the ugly from those people who love me.  If I allow my friends to hold me to my goals, so if you see that I miss more than a day or two here, please feel free to call me on it.  Comment.  Email me.  It’s all part of me trusting that other people honestly care about me as ME instead of pretending to care because they want something from me.

I am a creative being and know that Life is a journey.   I know that my spirit wants to grow and achieve.  I know that with each day, I have a little more faith.  And it feels right.

Much love to you and yours.

You are on a journey. You are searching to find your purpose and heal all the pieces that have disconnected you from your truth. Your great power is your desire and passion for learning and discovering. You might take this quality for granted, but know that it is desire and passion that creates worlds. You are ripe to burst into a new level of awareness and launch a dream that has been held within you forever. When you feel safe you have a childlike openness which keeps your mind young and healthy. There may be lots of questions swirling around within you right now, write them all down on a piece of paper and release them to the wind for every single one will be answered as you continue on your journey.

Your greatest challenge: While you are on the journey to know and discover who you really are you can feel lost and confused. The journey can feel tiresome at times because you might think it would be easier if you just had all the pieces. But, your challenge is to trust your process and know that it is unfolding perfectly with your best interest at heart.

Your greatest opportunity: You are on the journey of discovering your true purpose. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. You are on track to ignite a dream held deep within.

Your call to action: Trust yourself as you continue to move forward on this journey. Keep moving forward even when you can’t see where you are going. Think of a situation in your life where you need to trust yourself more. What would you do if you did trust yourself? Do that now.

via What kind of creative spirit are you?.

Always a little freaky when you do a quiz and it turns out to be pretty spot-on.  What about YOU?  What kind of creative spirit are you?

Our bodies and our lives are forever changing. We are all energy that is continuously flowing. When we fight with our reality through non-acceptance, we are blocking the energetic flow of the universe.

This is why dieter’s get stuck in a negative cycle of gaining and losing. They continuously focus on what they don’t want – the weight. They are afraid that if they accept their wonderful bodies as they are now, it will never change. However, the opposite is true. If they will trust the divine intelligence of the universe and understand that very few things in life are permanent – including weight – then acceptance may come easier.

Permanence is rigid. It does not bend. It breaks easily. It is a block to creativity. This mindset stands between you and your ideal body. Think of things that we deem as permanent – death and, well, come to think of it, nothing in life is permanent, except maybe Sharpie’s.

When you believe in permanence, you lose. You believe things won’t change. And then you spend your time fighting with reality, and as Byron Katie says, “To argue with reality is to argue with God, and you only lose 100% of the time.”

But, acceptance….acceptance is love. It allows for transformation. It fuels positive energy. It flows. It puts you at peace with yourself, and peaceful people don’t stuff down their feelings with food, and if they do, they know that it isn’t permanent. The next moment is an opportunity to start over.

Self-acceptance causes you to be an ally with yourself, instead of your worst enemy. When our bodies and minds work together, amazing things happen. Acceptance means that you accept the now but you are also excited about what is to come, not afraid of what the future holds.

via Acceptance does NOT Equal Permanence « Just B Living.

This is one of the best things I’ve read all week.  I am certainly the queen at self-flagellation and in recent weeks I’ve realized that it has to stop.  I am a long believer in the fact that we are capable of stretching our spirits and polishing up our souls if we are willing.  But I wasn’t looking at all the wonderful things in my life and all the positive things I do, I was only looking at my failures.  It’s a horrid cycle to get into, and when you are there in the middle of it, you just can’t seem to find a way out.

I know that there is a way out, though.  And it isn’t going to be easy, but it’s doable.  And it isn’t going to be possible if I continue to criticize myself for anything negative; I have to accept things as they are and also accept that I have the power to change.

Christine Kane had advised creating a weekly “minimum habit requirement”:

4. Create an MHR.

MHR stands for “Minimum Habit Requirement.”

Instead of trying to change everything at once, pick one small new habit and make that your Minimum Habit Requirement each day. A 30-minute work out, for example.

Your MHR is the starting point of your newfound proactivity. The goal is to simply experience the creative energy of choosing a habit and sticking with it.

via Christine Kane’s How to Turn a Set-Back into a Come-back (Part Two)

My goal for this week was to get back into the gym at least twice this week.  Today was the third day this week that I’ve made it.   My body is sore, but a really good sore that reminds me that my muscles love to be worked and that my body really is more energetic when I move it.    The first day back, I was feeling really wonderful about being there until a group of stick-thin women headed into the Yoga area.  Then I gave myself a little talking to:  why would I beat myself up for having this curvy, wonderful body?   It isn’t perfect, but it’s something that can be worked until it’s in the best shape that it can be.    I don’t have the stick-thin body type and though I can lose a little around the middle, parts of me won’t decrease unless I have breast-reduction surgery.   I LIKE my curves – they are wonderful.  And being back in the gym will enhance that wonderfulness, make me feel more energetic, and continue to make me feel strong and healthy.

What about you?  Are you stuck in the cycle of only seeing your flaws?  Or are you striving to accept your reality as you make your life better?

• Spring cleaning my closet (and dresser)
• Culling through my books and sending some to Half-Price Books
• Outlining my latest novel idea
• Outlining a series of short stories that I agreed to write with a girlfriend
• Going to the gym

Yes.  They are all daunting tasks that are going to require time and focus.

Today, I decided that I would go to the gym.  It’s a lovely gym.  Honest.  It has a great pool, steam room, sauna, wonderful free weights and a wide selection of cardio equipment.  And the locker room is wonderful – with blow dryers and towel service.  I was successful in the past with a gym routine when I kept a packed bag that was ready so that I could get up, grab it, and go.  That bag isn’t packed yet.

I went back from my office into my bedroom to get dressed for the gym.  I began to extract workout tanks and bike shorts and got distracted by one of the other tasks on my list:  cleaning out my dresser and closet.  When I say extract, I mean find a somewhat matching outfit.  After I got dressed and was putting in my contacts, my phone rang.

It was a client with a problem.

The initial solution to the problem was simple:  if you do not spell the website address correctly, then it will not show in your browser window.  It led us to a longer discussion, though:  SEO, the status of several other projects, and brainstorming to improve the projects and share more business.    As we talked, I walked past the laundry room and  I realized that there was a sad little pile of towels that needed to be folded; something I could do as we brainstormed.

And now, I sit here with my umph to go to the gym a little less umphy.  But I do know that if I go, the ability to start taking big bites out of all of my elephants will become easier.  Because working out gives you more energy.

Hope you are having a wonderful Wednesday!

Today is dedicated to all things creative.  I am heading over to Melissa‘s for coffee (and a snack of course).  We discuss our open projects and brainstorm ways to complete them along with new projects to consider.  We also spend some of our time discussing where things stand on All Things Girl, which is seeing an increase in energy with the promotion of Roxanne Ravenel to Senior Editor.  Being around creative people, even if it’s just via email as we plan things, really energizes me to new energies and inspires me to pursue my creative goals.

In Part Two (I mentioned Part One last week) of Christine Kane’s post “How to Turn a Set-Back into a Come-back“, she suggests that we do just that:

7. Immerse yourself in higher voices.

You’re blessed to be living in a time when you can access any spiritual teacher or success guru in the world. Audiobooks, downloads, articles, books and blogs. Give yourself time each day to renew your mind and get stoked by higher voices. It will train you to think yourself into your comeback.

Christine is right.  There is incredible access to higher voices in 2010.  In pursuit of re-energizing myself…of growing…of finding my courage and my faith…. I have come to realize that these higher voices are all around me.  My friend Lee has been a part of my life for more years than I can count on both hands now, and I have always looked to her as a spiritual guide and teacher.  She is one of those voices.    And spending time  (in person, on the phone, via email, via the quiet pursuit of surfing the web) with creative people like Melissa and Roxanne and Lorissa (our ATG Founder)  and so many other people in my life is a way to immerse myself in some higher voices.  When I have the doubts, the lack of self confidence, the feeling that my ideas are silly or not worth pursuing, I get the gentle encouragement I need, even if they don’t know they are doing it.

So the questions to ask today:  what higher voices are you listening to – and are they inspiring you?  And are you living a life that can be a higher voice to those around you?  What can you do today to inspire, support, gently guide and lift up the world?  Probably more than you think….

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(this photo taken in September 2008; not much has changed since then)

I didn’t get to spend as much time there as I would have liked, but part of traveling over a holiday weekend and having family obligations means less down time. In a typical trip to DC, I would have planned to stay through late Sunday or early Monday. With my mom’s illness, I needed to be home for lunch. But I digress.

The spring air combined with a much needed cocktail got my head wrapped around what needs to be accomplished during the month of April. I set about doing a bit of woolgathering and discovered that my wish list is quite long. Still, I allowed my mind to wander as I sat in the garden and thought about work and wants and needs and the need to reintroduce some creativity back into my daily life. Brief moments aren’t conducive to a real brain dump, so I saved that until my flight home.

After breakfast was served and I was enjoying my 3rd cup of coffee, I sat with pen and paper and begin listing everything that had gathered in my mind.    When you end up with a laundry list of to-dos and must-dos, getting a real control over it can be a task so daunting that it’s almost paralyzing. As overwhelming as it can be, the only way to make progress is to break it down into chunks and eat it like you would an elephant: one bite at a time.

April is going to be an interesting month.  I already had the beginnings of heavier than usual travel and with the (potential) new contract, that means three days a week on the road.  It’s the kind of travel I like:  solid contract with the ability to find my way around a new town and make it “mine”.  Granted, I’d love that city to be a city like DC, but to be honest, I’m thrilled with wherever work takes me.  (I can tell you that there is no Kimpton Hotel in this city – there isn’t even a single Hilton Property in the town!).

Just keep good thoughts headed my way as I break down my laundry list into those manageable bites and set out to conquer the little piece of my world!

2 – You’re not going to get back to your “Old Self.”

Sometimes during set backs, we just want things to be the way they used to be. We want our Old Self back.

But think about this. Your “Old Self” was the self that was living so unconsciously that this situation was created in order to wake her up!

You don’t want “Old Self.” You want EXACTLY who you are now. Warts, bruises, disillusionment, and all. These things transmute into wisdom. A New Self. A Wiser Self.

She is there, waiting for this stuff to fall away so she can rise up.

via How to Turn a Set-Back into a Comeback.

It’s interesting to sit back and realize that everything that has happened to each of us in our lives will stick with us forever.  In some cases, we take for granted the good things that happen in our lives.  Or we try to ignore the bad things in our lives.   We can muddle through the days and the nights until suddenly we realize that weeks have passed – or  months – and we are simply exisiting.

Or we can be active participants in our lives.

Take what has happened and learn from it.

Too much of the last few months, I have allowed life to happen to me.  I have lived a life of reaction.  It’s not a way to live life, but it certainly seems a way to shorten life.  In fact, Number 5 on Christine’s list is “we often become addicted to reaction”.  It’s a cycle – a perpetual cycle.  In order to stop the cycle, however, we have to make a conscious decision to (1) recognize we are simply reacting and (2) stop it.  I know there will be days, like the day I rushed to the hospital, where reacting is necessary.  But in order to heal, I have to break as much of the cycle of reaction as possible.

I had mentioned earlier that “faith” was my word for 2010.  There is no way I will be able to find my faith again – the faith in people in my life, the faith in the goodness of strangers and the faith in me – if I don’t accept that life evolves and people change.  I am harder on myself than anyone else, and if I am to accept the fact that people change and change is often a good thing, then I must accept the fact that I am an ever changing and evolving creature.

I want to change.  I want to evolve.  I want to learn.  I want to be a wiser woman, to  embrace my bruises of the past, and actually live life.   Life is short, too short.  And if I am to find my faith in the world, then I need to be an active participate in life instead of reacting to events or watching the world go by.

Though I have quietly observed the Season of Lent the past two years, today is the first time in several years that I have attended Mass on Ash Wednesday.  When I am at home, I usually attend mass with the Carmelite Nuns.  Today, however, I journeyed a bit north and attended service at St. Maria Goretti Catholic Church in Arlington.

It was at St. Maria Goretti that I attended the RCIA classes and officially converted to Catholicism back in 1990.   I left the Parish in 1997 after a disagreement with the Pastor over what constituted the proper “mold” a child should fit within in order to receive a Catholic Education.  I could not, in good conscious, give my time and money to a church that felt children should fit certain molds, as we are all God’s Children.

When walking into the sanctuary today, I felt a wave of peace come over me.  All the things I love about the Catholic Church – the ritual, the tradition, the comfort found in the Order of the Mass were surrounding me in this beautiful building.  And I could feel it radiating from the people in the church today, most of which was an elderly crowd of cradle Catholics.  I was glad that I had arrived early, so that I could take some time to kneel and say silent prayers. The Homily was short, but sweet and the priest spoke  about how the Lenten Season is not simply about sacrifice, but is actually a joyous season.  And I lingered after the completion of the Liturgy of the Word, the Distribution of Ashes, and Communion.

Afterwards, a stranger asked me at a store if I realized there was something on my forehead.  I explained that today was Ash Wednesday.  Something clicked for her and she asked “So what did you give up for Lent?”

I know that traditionally, a person should give up something they love for Lent.  Many people give up favorite snacks.  The Priest said he told the Junior High kids in the previous Mass that they should give up texting.     I have decided the last couple of years to embrace Lent in a different way and enrich my spiritual life.  Last year, I took up mediation and abstained from eating meat on Fridays from the beginning of Lent until the beginning of Advent.

So, what was my answer to the stranger?

“Finding my Faith again.”

I have to say, she was a bit taken aback.  But the clerk who overheard this conversation quietly told me as I paid for my purchase, “Good luck with your Lent Thing.”

Each year, instead of choosing a New Year’s Resolution, I have chosen words in which to guide me.  I haven’t publicly shared my 2010 words yet, but my main word for this year is just that: Faith.   Faith encompasses something beyond a belief in God.  My belief that God exists has not changed nor has the core of that belief been shaken in any way.  Other areas of Faith, however, are shaky.  My Faith that people are truly good and kind.  My Faith in the laws of karma.  My Faith that in the long run of things, everything will work out in the way it should, and in the proper time, not in MY time.  And most of all, the Faith I need to have in myself.  That I am worthy.

In many long discussions with my dear friend Lee over the choice of my 2010 word, she suggested that maybe one word was all I needed this year.  I usually add a complementary couple of words to spice things up and I’m still debating that issue.  If I do choose two more words, one of those will be Gratitude and the other shall be Hope, but the jury is still out to be honest.  I do know that it’s time to begin to keep a Gratitude Journal once again, even if it’s just for the period between now and Easter.

Though it is only 9 PM, it has been a long day.  Time for a little bit of reading and a warm bed.

Sweet Dreams.